Thursday, September 28, 2006

this next

so yes, as i'm working on catching up on emails...

found kristopher having written,

that she mentioned the poesie collection here

on the this next blog.


you are absolutely fabulous!

muwah! and blows a kiss your way!

welcome thursday

it's thursday and late morning.

and i've forgotten what these days feel like,

being at home, pacing the day with the work before you.

tomorrow i'll be back in the office,

however also looking forward to a very long weekend.

and hopefully getting caught up with work. with rest. with play.

the past couple of days left me absolutely knackered.

tuesday night out with the girls for dinner

and expecting an early evening.

found me home by one in the morning

but then finding emails from tamara,

that there's been a bit of a stir with our clooney collection.

yes, yes. george clooney for president.

apparently there was some more media hits

and we concluded the perfect time

to bring in a few more new styles.

i think bed finally found me by three am

only to be up again at five am and on my way to work.

i didn't get back from pforzheim until about seven pm

and although i was hoping for other plans to unfold that evening,

i stopped off at isabelle's as we had a bit of work to do.

home by eight thirtyish in the evening

and that's when the late shift started,

getting the new shirts for Mr. Clooney up on the website,

and having a few personal sessions of cursing out loud.

and that's also the moment i decided

i needed to treat myself to something too.

so the shirt above is the one i'll be flirting and flaunting.

it was my anniversary yesterday,

so a treat to the self well deserved.

my anniversary of coming to germany,

a few too many years ago.

i don't even dare think of how long it's been.

and one of the other thoughts in my mind,

is an email that tamara sent me the other day.

an email, that was in between our conversations

over the new year.

an email, in which we were telling each other

our dreams and hopes and wishes for the year to come.

and it was almost mind altering,

thinking about how many of these things had come true,

or are even still changes in the happening.

many of them are still bubbles that dance in the air,

but just seeing this list,

was almost a confirmation that dreams can come true.

and every now and then,

i think we all need to write it down, manifest this within,

and like a treasure map, hide and bury it away

with a bit of time and space and distance.

and then on one fine day further down the road,

follow the map and see the paths we've taken.

what we've left behind, and how far we've really come.

maybe that's the way we should see life.

not so much the road map before us,

but make it our own personal treasure map.

just silly random thoughts on a thursday,

with a cup of coffee on my side.

and more hopes for all the things to come.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

wild horses...

"i'd like to call you my wild horse

and feed you silver sage"

excerpts from jewel.

a thought, and a poem, lyrics,

totally irrelevant to my chain of thought

however it simply came to mind.

and to be honest,

i don't even know why i'm here,

or what it was that i wanted to write about.

maybe simply random thoughts,

and sprawl them out in the black and white of words.

the past week again,

has been a come and go.

tuesday and wednesday found me in düsseldorf

and once again, sabine travelling with me.

this time, unlike the trip to leipzig

or the trip to hamburg the previous week,

there was no plane to [almost] miss.

her and i seem to be a true talent

for adventures in airports.

we had the company car with us on this trip,

yes for navigation systems that we were convinced,

were trying to see how much she could mess with our minds.

but regardless,

that voice always got us where we wanted to be.

but we had enough adventures as it was,

with or without airports.

adventures like when sabine looked at me on tuesday morning,

saying "i think i left my suitcase at home",

so the mission was to get ourselves to düsseldorf

and yes, make shopping a part of the evening agenda.

making a mental list of at least the cosmetics

that she could save herself from buying,

and simply borrow from me.

and the other adventures were coming back to pforzheim

relatively late on wednesday night

and sabine once again looking at me,

saying, "i think my car keys are on your desk"

and there not being any possible way

of us getting into the building at that hour of night.

so she called her beau to bring her the spare key,

which isn't a big deal,

considering she has an hour drive to pforzheim as well.

i didn't want to leave her on her own waiting,

so we went to a small bar down the road,

had some coffee and waited for him to get there.

i always enjoy late night drives on the autobahn.

the roads are free, clear.

and the headlights before you,

or in the rearview mirror,

are almost like little navigators themselves.

you can see clearly what's before you

and see clearly what you've left behind.

or simply see, what's on it's way to catching up with you.

maybe in a strange sense,

almost similiar to the way things are in life,

when you set out on your own journey,

with a clear mind and a definite destination.

coming home on wednesday was sweetness,

in finding a letter that left a smile on my face.

still maybe a bit of uncertainty, and curiousity as well.

but it was tender, and it was warming.

and all i could do was embrace it. silently.

again, reading between the lines

however well knowing, it's a mutual language spoken.

and there's been another hope and wish on my mind these days.

maybe a bit like the lull of my heart.

and the past weeks left me unsure

where it was that i was standing.

sometimes there are things in life,

that feel like absolute contradictions,

and nothing making sense.

and this was simply one of those things.

knowing it's something good,

and yet standing in the dark.

i felt that i had something to say,

yet didn't dare to speak.

i felt that i had something to write,

yet didn't dare to seal the letter with a kiss.

and hark the queen of impatience i am,

maybe it was the fear that taught me patience?

at least that sounds like a good excuse.

but then coming home from the office on thursday,

about to head out the door and meet with kim,

i found a little message written just a few hours earlier,

and although short, and sweet,

it said all that it needed to say.

kim had to endure me that evening,

with a smile from ear to ear,

possibly little shrieks of happiness.

and i'll admit, i was just like a little girl.

and did i ever stop talking?


a nasty habit i have.

kim was the other sweetness in my day,

when she asked me to close my eyes.

and when i opened them,

there was the most beautiful red rose before me.

it's the little things like that,

that mean the most in friendship

and in life.

and kim, i can't thank you enough.

just for you. and all these little things you do.

and it's saturday night

and i'm content at enjoying a quiet night at home.

there are photos that i need to work thru,

emails that i need to reply to.

and i might do a bit of this,

and i might do a bit of that.

but i'm also simply going to enjoy the night for what it is.

something quiet, something still.

maybe later, grab myself a blanket,

a glass of wine and a cigarette,

sit outside and hold on to the air

that feels like a summer saying farewell.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

a kiss and a hug...

have wanted to write all week,

even if there isn't much to be said

and simply one day blends into the next day.

maybe that's what these days are simply about.

time passages.

sunday was a day that was meant to be work,

however it was a day that simply felt

just as it's meant to feel.

like sunday.

isabelle was heading out to the quarry

simply to catch what could be the last days of summer

and called me to join her.

i already had plans to meet with anke

as we wanted to look at the wedding photos,

but our text messages back and forth decided

that simply a walk along the rhine

was what we really wanted instead.

so i met up with isabelle at one in the afternoon,

and we just sat and talked, day dreamed away,

had moments that made us smile,

maybe moments that made the heart hurt a little,

but that simply has to do with missing,

and with hoping and praying.

and it was just perfect,

the quiet and still around us,

the way the sun just shone and everything felt

gentle, warm, lucid, sweet, perfect.

and as i always say, with a dear friend,

even the moments of silent conversation,

conversations of simply saying nothing,

can be those closest to the heart.

it's the quiet understanding

and knowing

everything is simply as it should be.

i called anke and asked if four o'clock might be better,

it was a moment out there that i just didn't want to leave.

and so we met a bit later,

drove out to the rhine and simply walked along,

talking and then finally, just sitting down

and again, letting sunday feel just as sunday should feel.

watching the barges go by is one of my favourite moments.

i have a fascination of them, one i can't explain.

and it always reminds me of grade four.

again, i can't explain. i never grew up with barges.

and yet, each and everytime,

it's this moment or chapter that comes to mind.

the wind was soft, subtle.

almost like a tease as she whispered on skin,

tugged on the hair.

i think we were out there for a few hours,

and right across from us,

watching old men fishing from the french banks of the river.

monday and tuesday had me in leipzig

and rather uneventful it was.

aside from the both of us almost sleeping in too long,

having the taxi wait for us outside the hotel,

needing to grab our first coffee at the airport

and then almost miss the plane.

they were honestly going to take off without us.

oh wouldn't that have been a story to explain.

driving back to the from the airport would normally

have been a thirty minute affair.

thanks to one accident after the other on the autobahn,

and the stretch around stuttgart being a constant construction site,

this thirty minute affair became a three hour affair.

and wednesday was simply wednesday.

i can't really say there was a high, nor a low.

today i had a home office day and it did feel good,

i must admit.

almost felt as though i could exhale.

and i'm already looking forward to the days,

that i can work from the home office more often,

or hope that yes,

further down the road we'll have the office closer to here,

or whereever it is i'll be.

and maybe simply have to drive to pforzheim once a week,

to take care of other internal matters there?

that's my hope and my wish at least.

and of all the other things that make my heart beat these days,

i find myself just holding them silently close.

not finding the words to place here,

until maybe i myself feel that this isn't just about

reading between the lines.

it's about need and want. hopes and wishes.

and maybe it's about understanding and believing.

i have to get myself to bed.

an hour that normally finds me wide awake.

however the alarm clock is waking me up at three in the morning,

i consider that an ungodly hour.

have to leave for the airport in stuttgart by four in the morning,

flying out to hamburg

however back again at night. late at night.

and then the drive back from stuttgart again.

and of all things,

this weekend especially,

needs to be a weekend of getting caught up,

getting work done,

more cleaning. more purging. more letting go.

and i also believe,

i'm hiring a cleaning lady this weekend as well.

oh god yes. and say amen to that as well.

it's just for the little time i have these days,

i need some clarity. organisation.

just to keep things in place, on their path,

and allow me room to breath

and see a bit clearer.

so that when i come home from work,

all things are good to carry on with work.

but i also simply have to let the weekend be weekend as well.

to relax. to enjoy. to balance.

to inhale. exhale.

and with open arms,

and open mind and open heart,

simply embrace what each moment in life,

gives, takes and shares.

[photograph of petra

from a couple of summers ago.]

Friday, September 08, 2006

friday night.

friday. it is friday.

i can't believe it is friday.

where has this week simply gone?

the first week at the new job.

and really, it's simply a blur.

not much i can really say as of yet,

as to how i embrace the challenge.

i have my yey moments and my ney moments,

but that's to be expected.

but i will confess, i was looking forward to the moment,

when i knew friday had come

and sitting in the car, driving home.

mind you, there i spend almost three hours a day on the road,

driving to and driving from.

i guess that makes the days even longer.

and monday means getting up even earlier,

having to drive to stuttgart to catch the plane to leipzig.

just for the day and the evening

and then heading back early tuesday morning,

straight from the airport to the office.

but i have a feeling,

this weekend is going to be much the same blur.

heading off now to patti's for coffee and talks.

dani's sent a text message,

asking if i have time for a few photos tomorrow morning,

which i might be able to swing,

however i also have melanie's wedding to photograph

and need to be there for eleven thirty.

had planned on getting a few emails taken care of first,

and a bit of work with the fleurs,

and i'm still kicking myself that i wasn't able to say yes,

earlier this week

and getting the brooches out the door for an event,

celebrating aretha franklin.

i had been asked to send 60 brooches

for the performers, presenters, producers and press.

joss stone and natalie cole and chaka khan,

to name a few.

but between the arm still being a bit lame,

and having had to pull that off literally over night.

just to get the blooms there in time,

there was just no way i could do it.

the lady was really sweet about it.

she's been showing support along the way

and thought this would be a great opportunity.

and it would have been. it really would have been.

so i can simply hope the the gods and the universe

will be on my side one day soon,

and letting a chance like that arise again.

having written that,

i'm now doing my own rendition of R-E-S-P-E-C-T

and be assured, a bit off key.

oh aretha, you are a queen!

anyhow. sunday i reckon should be a day of rest,

but i have vowed to get back to the office downstairs.

taxes need to be done, i have two interviews that are waiting,

and as we know, those are things i'm never ever do well with.

i have fleurs that need to be packed and somehow sent,

and not sure how i'll get it done.

but i will. even if only a few things disappear from the list

of things to do.

anyhow. patti is waiting.

and it is friday night.

and it has been a long and hard week.

so we'll simply let it be just that.

friday night.

[photograph from the saturday sessions,

which i believe i'll call the marilyn sessions,

taken a couple of weeks ago.]

photo friday... boy

photo friday

and today's thought is simply called "boy".

and although i wanted to post a picture of a grown boy,

because i like to believe,

there's always a bit of boy in each and every man.

just as much as there is girl in each and every woman.

but then i remembered this photograph,

and a walk along english shores,

once a long while ago.

and he was simply a boy,

on a february day,

walking along on his own path.

but also, taking steps in his life, for his life

and towards his life.

because that's what every step we take is.

a journey.

and i always have to wonder,

what thoughts and dreams, hopes and wishes,

just might be wandering thru all these minds,

as we simply pass by,

each walking our own path in life.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

the wedding...

last saturday

and anke and heiko's wedding.

but i'll have to write about it later.

because for now,

this girl needs to get to bed.

and sleep.

Friday, September 01, 2006

capturing... that perfect day.

capturing yesterday...

and the only words that kim and i really had

describing it to ourselves

was by simply saying it's a perfect day.

and i think that was the decision that the both of us

had met upon waking up and saying hello to the morning.

i can speak of my day already starting off just perfect.

up early and with the first cup of coffee

finding a dear letter to read.

and for the first time in days,

the skies were blue again, the sun wanted to play

and it felt like the tease of summer had returned.

and morning emails with kim

brought us to the spontaneous idea of asking,

how does heading out to freiburg sound to you today?

my last day before starting the new job,

and simply wanted to enjoy the day

and the freedoms that come with days like such.

the morning continued with more coffee,

getting some work taken care of, and taking time

to write and ponder thoughts over a letter myself.

and we know,

that all beautiful things arise in unexpected moments.

and that's just what happened with the photos

that were taken yesterday as well.

we'll call them conversations,

because that's exactly what they are.

captured moments of conversation.

there's an essence in kim.

usually thursday evenings are an evening

belonging just to us.

and we stir energy in one another,

share laughter, discuss things that often mean,

lowering the voice to a whisper,

maybe at times a nasty grin,

but definitely always a smile.

and kim too, is always there for me,

over the years and years and chapters of life.

when it comes to matters of the heart.

often helping me read between the lines of life.

or simply when it comes to sharing a glass of wine.

and as we sat out in the garden,

there was already many a memory created,

secrets that were shared,

and going thru the frames of photographs taken,

it's almost as though we can recollect the moments,

and all the things we said.

and hence, documenting words in a secret language.

and these photographs reflect the essence of kim.

the beautiful way she has of laughing out loud,

shooting straight from the heart, for the heart.

the playful look in her eye,

a smile that possess a feminine beauty, a grace.

conversations with kim come alive,

there's a spirit that lives within each and every word.

and this is the way i see kim.

the beautiful way i have gotten to know kim,

and cherish the friendship that we have.

yes, these are photos are our conversations.

we finally made our way to freiburg.

starbuck's was the first thing on the agenda.

and then simply walking down the cobblestone streets,

stumbling ourselves into shops

and finding little gems as souveniers of the day.

we made it to the designer's market

and elisabeth was exhibiting as well.

so there we were again, playing with hats,

and being the silly girls we can be best.

we carried on, stepping into my favourite vintage shop,

second hand glory and bliss

and both of us finding more gems to complete the day

browsing thru the racks, with bouts of giggles,

but often the oh my god said in that particular tone.

the one religion i have each and everytime in freiburg,

is going to the osteria.

of chandeliers and mirrors along an ancient stone wall,

and of wines and tapas, and sitting on old church pews.

the perfect scenario to enjoy a coffee,

or a glass of red wine.

kim and i decided to simply enjoy a prosecco,

while reflecting back on what really was

everything that a perfect day simply should be.

we decided to carry on,

with conversations and simply holding on to the moments,

and that lead us on to cohibar's

and the temptation of a strawberry margeritta or two.

and then little moments, like simply calling mom.

and letting her know that kim and i were out together.

yes, mom is back in canada,

but has also locked kim in a place in her heart.

and with each and every phone call over the years,

will always ask about kim,

or ask me to say hello.

and so yesterday, it simply felt like further conversations

that needed to be. just because.

and driving home, following a clear lit sky,

singing to ryan adams and where stars go blue again and again,

it was when we were able to conclude,

it was, it really was a perfect day.


i thank you for the friend you are.

i thank you for the moments and all the conversations.

for the laughs, the smiles

and even some of the tears over the years.

and i thank you for the beautiful soul you are,

and i guess what that all really means,

is i thank you for you.

for being one of the friends in this circle

that weaves itself around me.

and i thank you for yesterday.

and for that perfect day.

my love to you kim!