Sunday, October 29, 2006
hello. it has been a while.
i wouldn't even know where to begin,
tracing steps back over the past weeks.
it's been a dance, a symphony,
and at times, bitter and sweet.
work has been keeping me busy.
things are taking more and more of format
in being able to see the big picture
of how things should be. could be.
and maybe that's me speaking
professionally and personally.
there have been so many times,
i've written words in this space,
even if simply in the mind.
moments and stories that i've wanted to share.
the words just not finding their way,
carved into the black and white of keyboard writings.
today was finally a day spent at home,
a bit overwhelming to be honest.
trying to tackle projects and work,
paper piles of work.
trying to tackle boxes of things to be purged
and things to be packed
for the new apartment yet to be found.
i haven't even been able to find the space
in time for that project of mine.
and may i confess, leaving me restless as well.
but there were also conversations on the phone today,
conversations with dear friends
and those are moments that mean much too.
elisabeth and susan and isabelle
and receiving sweet messages and not receiving sweet messages.
the constant game of waiting
or taking one step in to take one step back.
last weekend i made my way to paris.
a weekend on my own with time to think,
wonder and ponder,
sit in cafés and watch life dance by.
there's a beauty and a mystery and a secret in that city.
it can leave you feeling so inspired
larger than life
and yet so small and humble.
it's a city that lets you dream
makes you wish and leaves you yearning.
and there were times i was sitting there,
and then realising it's like a dream come true.
regardless how often i've visited
and for all the times i hope to visit again.
but once upon a time,
i was a little girl that dreamt of this city,
and never would have imagined the days,
that i simply find myself in her cascade,
simply because there's a lull of the heart
as though calling my name.
the past week of work had me back in paris again.
if just for the day.
wednesday was wiesbaden
and thursday was meant to be wiesbaden as well
however driving back wednesday evening,
simply because i knew i more than needed that day at the office,
and friday had me up at two thirty am
on my way to stuttgart to grab a flight at four am
on the plane at seven am just to say bon jour again.
with work taken care of, there was time to grab the metro
and find myself back at the eifel tower
simply because i need to absorb her,
each and every time.
and it was almost as though,
i kept hoping that someone could feel that moment too,
know i was there,
making a wish, thinking a thought.
grabbed myself a coffee and headed back to the airport,
convinced again to miss the flight.
and it was close, it would have been damn close,
and for the second time in my life,
i was so relieved to see the words "delayed".
life has a strange way of showing she's on your side at times.
and as i'm saying good night to sunday
making my own wishes for the week before,
trying to manifest, envision and see with clarity
and all the good faith that things will get done,
and beautifully find their way of unfolding,
it's like saying good morning
to a brand new day.
Monday, October 09, 2006
love. passion. yearning. courage.
maybe the words of the weekend.
and for that i can thank my friends
for being a part of all that
and bringing these words back into my life.
i have been meaning to write for the past few weeks.
there's been motion in life
and nothing feels like it's standing still.
and as the saying goes,
the only constant in life is change itself.
the weekend was filled with each and every emotion
of highs and lows.
mostly of highs.
friday night and going out with the girls
dancing into the early wee hours of the morning.
after a few hours of sleep,
isabelle and sabine and myself heading out to freiburg.
just wandering thru the cobblestone streets
having coffee here and there
and then meeting with elisabeth for more coffee here and there.
it was a weekend of hearing a voice for the first time
and yet knowing it's an ever spoken familiar voice.
it was a weekend of waiting to hear from a voice
and feeling the pain in not hearing it.
maybe that's the yearning itself.
and it was about showing the courage,
to reach out to voices. the new and the old.
sunday had me and elisabeth in mannheim and in heidelberg.
out shopping for fabric at a market in mannheim
and then stopping off to catch the designers' exhibit in heidelberg.
angela johe was exhibiting there as well
and i haven't seen her in much too long.
she has always been one of my favourite porcelain artists
and i had her work as a constant exhibit in my gallery
back in earlier days.
there's a small but growing collection of her work in my home.
and it was so good seeing her again,
because angela has this presence that can simply captivate a room.
there's something gentle, however radiating.
calm, inspiring and yet exhilirating about her. sensual.
we took a few moments getting caught up with hellos
and the travels and moments that life has been bringing our way.
losing myself in her new work and designs,
and her showing me the new [coffee] bowls.
angela smiled, looked at me and said
"these are exactly where you are"
the coffee bolds that had the simple words
liebe. leidenschaft. sehnsucht. mut.
written one by one on each of the bowls.
and i knew they had to be
something like a gift to the self.
and as i sit here,
writing and thinking, maybe speaking a little hope,
i'm sipping and stirring my coffee
from a bowl
that has the little message of courage
reminding me that life is always about exactly this.
the love. the passion. the yearning. the courage.