Thursday, January 17, 2008

quiet thoughts.

children of venice.
part one.
i can still smell the air,
hear sunday morning silence upon the streets
as i remember this moment.
with a camera. in venice.

very tired tonight.

have so many things that i want to say. want to share.

but words aren't finding me easily.

another late night with work.

although i did find my way home a bit earlier for a change.

the deadline is ever so close. and i'm ever so far away.

but gwen's coming over for dinner tomorrow night.

so on the drive home,

and mulling upon indecisions of what the menu might be,

i bought a bit of this and a bit of that.

coming to the conclusion,

that a bit of cheese, a few marinated olives and a glass of wine

might be just perfect for a bite to eat on an night like tonight.

to be honest, i can't even remember the last time

the past few weeks even had me in a store.

and i hadn't bought my ritual of roses this week either,

so that was done tonight as well.

it was nice, just coming home

putting things in their place.

sitting down, and even with this yearning,

this constant lull upon my heart strings,

it was nice just to have the quiet. the peace. the calm.

yes. even with the taunting storm and wind outside.

it almost feels like spring is on its way.

so i think i'm simply going to bed.

keeping the words deep within. simply as thoughts.

quiet. hushed.

but if you listen closely,

they can still be heard.

just like the falling rain. outside.

"There are days
I drop words of comfort on myself
like falling rain

and i remember it is enough
to be taken care of by myself."

- brian andreas -

Sunday, January 06, 2008

lightness. gratitude. clarity...

walking thru paris.
jardin des tuileries to be exact.
a moment captured and held as though hand in hand.
the magic of the camera and the eye.
have i shown this photo before?
probably. yes.

lightness. gratitude. clarity.
beauty. elegance. grace.
femininity. passion. love.
abundance. wealth. respect.
courage. discovery. decisions.
yearning. faith. belief.
wisdom. radiance. honesty.
integrity. strength. compassion.

those are words that found their way on paper this morning. while sitting here and drinking coffee. they were instinctive words. intuition words. simply falling and finding their way. its as though they speak a secret language of their own. a morse code of the soul. a tapping of the soul.

words mean a lot to me these days. searching for words. holding on to words. sometimes they flow easily. and sometimes they feel silent. as though i trip and stumble over my own tongue. and at times its my heart that speaks, and not the mind. sometimes i say it the way it is. and sometimes i draw circles. like a language of connect the dots. and yes, i do speak and write between the lines as well. and then there's always the reading between the lines...

but yesterday found words as well. yesterday found old books.

before heading to the office to get some work done quietly on a saturday, i spontaneously decided to go to a second hand store close by here. been there a few times but never really found the hidden treasures that grab you by the heart and make you say yes. a treasure that wants to be discovered simply and only by you. can't even say what i was really looking for. i need furniture for the flat. that's a fact. a sideboard, a cabinet... something i can refurbish, bring back to life. make it unique and make it mine. but also simply because i need to get things into place. my "dining room" that needs to be my work and inspiration space, but not be the creative and chaotic mess of one. yes, i can be one of those. oh god yes. and at this moment, its neither one nor the other. and all these ideas and goals, visions and hopes that i have and are rebirthing themselves, need their space and their room. kind of like a nesting space.

but i think that was what the conscious eye was looking for, and the subconscious eye often takes you by the hand and leads you on a different journey.

so yesterday, that's what i found. books. and if i dare to admit, i don't think i've ever even "consciously" noticed they had books there before. particularily old books. i have a love for old books. not just for the stories told on their pages by the author, but for the stories they hold and create over time themselves. little secrets of where these books have been, the scribbles and side notes. or simply torn and worn pages. some books can simply lull and pull you. attract you. and when i'm in paris, one of the things that is always a bit of a personal religion is the Shakespeare & Co. bookshop. what a magical place. a favourite place. eye wandering thru the shelves and finger wandering over the backs of books, like touching life and lives.

anyhow, the first book that did this yesterday, the pulling and the lulling, was leo tolstoi's "anna karenina". a german edition from 1950. the aged linen of the cover, the embossing of the initials. something beautiful. and then came charles dickens and "christmas books". bless you charles. a first edition copy of a chapmann & hall issue from 1907. next in the hand was a book that when i saw it, i thought of susan. i know she's working on a little project and i promised to keep my eyes out for her. its an old dictionary. german. english. 1948. so my dear, whether its what you need or what you want or had in mind, it simply spoke your name at that moment. and i know you'll make it some kind of magic. and last but not least, there was a yellow with gold embossed copy of alphonse daudet's parisian novels.

those were the words of yesterday.

when i left the shop, it had just started raining. and i don't know why, but i just stood outside instead of getting into the car. simply stood there. smiling. and thinking how sometimes the smallest and most simple things in life can be the sweetest things. so there i was, lost in the thought and in the rain. didn't even notice the car that stopped beside me and the man that rolled the window down until i first heard a voice ask me if i knew where the second hand furniture shop was. had to smile at him and yes. just came from there myself... its just around the corner. he said thank you, smiled back and drove off. now that i think of it, i believe it was my small good deed of the day. he seemed rather agitated and unnerved when he first asked. probably driving in circles and of course, when its raining, its hard to find someone simply standing on the middle of the street... duh. so at least i made a stranger smile. and i hope he found something in that shop that he can call a treasure of his own too.

i do believe i babbled enough for today. words took on a different meaning. and a different form. maybe transition. and lets see whatelse the day is going to hold. i might go for a walk along the rhine. was contemplating a walk in the hills, the vineyards, but i need easy ground today. calm. quiet. straight on and straight forward. there's so much going on these days and so much that is standing still. it's almost as though it contradicts itself.

and with that said,
today is about granting myself permission to simply let time be time...
and the self be the self.
unravel the heart and mind.

but i still wish i knew, how to make a wish or two... come true.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

the wish of an angel...

an angel. found once upon a time ago.

in a small little village. called prinzbach.

happy new year.

i'm still writing down my wishes. my dreams. hopes and visions.

the big things and the small things. even the silly things.

and some of these wishes find their way in the pages of a book

yearning to be filled with manifestations

and stories as they unfold.

this little book that follows me like a companion in quiet moments.

and some of these wishes find themselves written on bits and pieces of paper

sometimes tucked under my pillow like a little prayer,

sometimes i walk to the stream,

set them free on a journey of their own.

and sometimes i simply write them on my heart. like a little secret.

yet wishing to be heard.

where to you write your wishes?

and do you share your secrets?

but i think that one of my wishes

is that each and every one of you...

my friends, and even passing strangers that simply find these words

all discover and create their own special magic

for this new year upon us.

and all write their own wishes on their heart. every day.

i wish you love. happiness. time for quiet moments.

and i wish you the beauty of a smile.

and dreams that come true.