Monday, December 15, 2008

home sweet home.

heart. beats.
snow. snow. snow.

well. that's it now.

in about an hour

there'll be a taxi

taking me to a train station

that'll be taking me to the aeroport.

there's always this sensation about leaving.

about travelling. setting on a journey.

and i can't find the words for it right now.

but it's there. this sensation.

my suitcase is already downstairs.

just a few things that still need to be packed.

i'm still sitting here with a cup of coffee

and pyjamie bottoms.

and it's very early morning.

four o'clock early morning.

and it feels like the whole world is fast asleep

with just the hush of quiet around me.

mom's already warned me that it's cold.

and i think over the years i've forgotten

what minus twenty five degrees of cold can be.

i suppose it's time to remember again.

but i can't wait to see the snow.

to see the city with all her christmas lights.

to sleep in my old bed. in my old room.

or just to hear the way

mom putters thru the house

doing her thing.

or dad sits at the kitchen table with the paper

humming along to a song.

and it's when you hear those sounds,

that's when you know you're home.

home sweet home.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

la lune. i like simply calling her la lune...

for all the ways in which we embrace each and every day.
and for the wonderful way we smile at the world
and the way the world smiles back with us.
and as she too, smiled and laughed...
all she simply said was...
she smiled and laughed and said...

sunday night and i'm tired.

simply and wonderfully tired.

in fact, i almost think i'm even too tired to write.

but i'll try.and simply spill a word or two before me

before i crawl into the warm comfort of blankets and pillows

and say good night for the day.

and i'm asking myself, why it is,

that weekends always come and go so quick?

saturday morning meant being up bright and early,

had an appointment with isabelle at the salon

just for a wee trim and shape and a bit of colour...

i thought.

sat there with my cup of coffee

and then isabelle spoke the words

saying we're going short.

and i think i went speechless for a moment.

needless to say,

pageboy bobbish kind of short.

and it's absolutely sweet if i can even say that myself.

and it wasn't until around noon that i found my way out

into the hustle and bustle of the streets

with all attempts at christmas. and shopping.

but it's been a while since i've been in lahr,

or simply even had the time to wander,

so it was less about taking care of gifts and presents,

and more about running into friends and faces

and taking time for coffee. at the bistro.

i managed to get a few things done

but had to be at isabelle's for three.

coffee. cake. champagne.

with the girls.

we just wanted to spend a bit of time together before i leave.

and to be honest,

it still really hasn't sunk in yet that tuesday's the day

and i'll be singing...

"so kiss me and smile for me

tell me that you'll wait for me

hold me like you'll never let me go.

cause i'm leaving on a jet plane

don't know when i'll be back again..."

and i'll be on my way home.

anyhow. a lovely afternoon with the girls.

with my bella. dani and susan too.

and on my way driving home,

a few of the things that made me smile were

of stopping at the gas station

and the cashier smiling and saying,

i haven't seen you in a while.

and me coming to think,

yeah, that's right. i haven't been here in a while.

and smiling back.

and then he gave me chocolate. yummy yummy chocolate.

simply saying,

here, have this on your way home.

at times, i swear it's the simplest and sweetest things

that make the difference.

and then, it was about driving home and following

the path and trace of a voluptious full moon

shining. bigger and brighter than life.

and on the radio they were playing the cure.

and that had me singing along with an even bigger smile...

"Show me how you do that trick

The one that makes me scream" she said

"The one that makes me laugh" she said

And threw her arms around my neck

"Show me how you do it

And I promise you,

I promise that I'll run away with you."

and god i love that song. and those words.

i think that's why it had to be written over here

and just for the way, it's a part of what life and love is meant to be.

anyhow, i still needed to get myself to the cité,

just to pick up another gift or two

but i was also supposed to be meeting up with fausto for a drink as well.

so is this the time and place i confess that i was running just a wee bit late

once again?

yes. angie. typical angie.

but i do my best.

and that was saturday.

today meant getting up early again

and heading to the office.

there's simply so much i still need to get done.

and that deadline, i have to admit again,

it does have me a bit worried.

i know everyone will be fine.

and i know everything will work out just as well.

but still.

it's the adrenaline. and the anticipation.

everytime this part of a new catalogue draws near.

and just because it matters so much. and means the world to me.

i left the office around four o'clock

and off to oberkirch i was to meet up with simone.

and how wonderful it was to see her.

we talked and talked and talked.

about what's all been and what all should be.

about men. about work. about ideas.

and simply about life.

i think we could have talked all night.

and she was simply the most wonderful inspiration.

but also the most wonderful confirmation. and motivation.

she wanted a femme heureuse shirt as well

so i had brought that along.

and she slipped into it right away.

shite. damn. silly me.

we should have taken a photograph

because trust me when i say,

she looked marvelous, absolutely marvelous in that shirt.

and that shirt looked marvelous, absolutely marvelous on her.

she has a few meetings and interviews coming up as well,

so she said there's no doubt in her mind with what she'll be wearing.

femme heureuse. that's what it's all about.

living and being. femme heureuse.

and then, driving home again,

there she was.

that moon. that beautiful and glorious moon.

i had to stop. and i had to pull off on to the side of the road.

step out and go for a walk. and have a cigarette.

and it felt like all i could do

was look at that moon. that beautiful and glorious moon.

(yes. i had quit. and back on the verge of quitting.
but every now and then. and for moments like this.
there's a time and there's a place. and a cigarette.)

and then i carried on.


and then i heard a voice i hadn't heard in a long while.

maybe an intentional long while.

but i heard his voice. speaking. on the radio.

and i had to catch my breath. hold my breath.

and remind myself.

femme heureuse. femme heureuse.

and let it go.

that voice. that thought. and the feeling of him.

and now it's sunday night,

and a chilly cold december's sunday night.

on the floor there's a suitcase almost packed.

on the table there's a glass of pinot noir at my side

and three candles burning for advent.

and looking thru my window,

there she is again.

that moon. that beautiful and glorious moon.

la lune. i like simply calling her la lune.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

of smiles and laughter. and paper hearts...

a saturday.
of cutting paper hearts.
and playing with a camera.
of drinking much too much coffee.
and girls at work are girls at play.
these are the katrin sessions.

katrin came over today.

one of my sweetest dear girls at the office.

and we were on a bit of a mission.

the both of us. the camera. and a bit of omondieu!

i don't know how many photographs we took.

a hundred wouldn't nearly say enough.

but going thru them tonight

put back the smiles and the laughs that we had all day.

it felt so good to be with the camera again.

sometimes i had felt as though i had lost a bit of the vision,

and lost a bit of the language.

yes, i believe we speak a language with what we see,

with what we capture and what we share.

a language that is spoken quietly. and needs no words.

but the photo session last weekend

and then the session today,

it all felt familiar. like an old friend.

that came to embrace you again.

granted, the camera didn't always do what i wanted it to do,

and a grey december day

didn't leave me with the light i wanted neither.

but there were so many laughs. and so many smiles.

and yes. coffee. coffee. and more coffee.

i'm happy with these photographs.

these photographs of today.

and i think the whole day was about laughter.

it was about good things. sweet things.

it was about women. and it was about friends.

it was about the photographs and the talks with katrin.

and in the midsts of that,

a phone call from the salon

giving me a list of the shirts they sold

and of shirts that need to be ordered.

and i don't think i need to say,

that phone call left me with yet another smile.

there were freshly baked cookies placed on the doorstep,

(for which i'm trying my hardest not to eat all at once.)

and then there was isabelle coming over for dinner.

we drove into town to go to le bistro

because we wanted mussels, mussels, mussels.

and a good glass of wine.

isabelle and i both reckoned,

life must be a wonderful thing,

when the most difficult decision of the moment,

is deciding whether it's a chardonnay or a grauer burgunder.

needless to say, the grauer burgunder it was.

but even dinner was full of smiles and laughs.

we had talks of the heart

and those things that matter most,

but we also laughed and laughed and laughed.

so many little stories and incidences

that simply made us laugh.

(and there goes isabelle's dress... once again.)

and i honestly can't remember the last time

i laughed and smiled as much as i did today.

after dinner, we simply went for a walk

thru the christmas market.

a magical thing. and a beautiful thing.

the smells. of spices. and chocolate. and roasting chestnuts.

the people. the christmas lights. and the merry go round.

at first we thought we'd warm ourselves up with a cup of mulled wine,

but then we thought we'd do things our way,

and a glass of champagne it was.

and afterwards we came back home.

to put on a pot of tea,

of chamomile and rose and lavender.

we lit the fire and curled ourselves up on the couch

talking. talking. simply talking

until once again it was late at night.

and that makes me realise again,

how thankful and grateful i am

for my girls. my dear and wonderful girls.

and with even the distance

and the road between us since i moved away,

they still always manage to find their way.

and now i just wanted to go thru some of the photographs,

and reflect on the day. and share upon the day.

as i say good night to this day.

a saturday.

of smiles and laughter.

and cutting paper hearts.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

today. today was simply one of those days.

there are days, you are simply filled with a vulnerability.

and it leaves you feeling fragile. transparent.

of sensitive skin. and a sensitive heart.

but it's in that fragility and that weakness,

that you also find your strength.

and when you can simply allow yourself to fall

to embrace even this,

there's a calm that wraps itself around you,

like arms, that protect you, shelter you.

arms that cradle you.


today was simply one of those days.

and if i look back,

in so many ways it was a good day.

maybe a bit chaotic, as most of my days are.

but that's me. simply a part of me.

and there were moments that made me smile,

there were moments that made me hope.

but yet, there was this vulnerability.

this yearning. this longing.

and the holding on of the letting go.

those moments when you falter. and stumble just a little bit.


today was simply one of those days.

and now it's late night. once again.

i have a candle lit on my table.

i have a vase filled with stems of rosehips.

and if you think about it. what a beautiful word.

rose. hips.

they hold such a simplicity in them. a richness of simplicity.

i had a meeting with wilma tonight.

having to bring her a few of my fleurs for her shop.

she has the sweetest, the loveliest little flower shop.

so it was nice,

knowing that in these small steps,

there's just a bit more magic on it's way.

the secret garden kind of magic.

oh today.

today was simply one of those days.


and it leaves you feeling fragile. transparent.

of sensitive skin. and a sensitive heart.