omondieu!

yoga. observations. and generations.

2010-05-23T00:09:00.001-07:00

to be continued...

later.

yoga. observations. and generations.

on a saturday afternoon.

songs of irish seas...

2010-04-14T21:02:00.000-07:00

- songs of irish seas -

blackrock, ireland

february 2010

just a little quick hello.

it's early morning and there's a wonderful hush of quiet around me.

with only the sound of spring and her birds singing.

and it's moments like this,

that simply feel so very awake. and aware. and alive.

it's a wonderful sensation.

and it has been a long while since i've written,

but when i woke up this morning, i just had this urge,

or better said, this little voice that wanted to speak out.

and i'm wondering what i dreamt last night.

i honestly can't remember,

but i do know that i dreamt, and dreamt, and dreamt.

and now there's all these little urges,

these little voices and thoughts

that seem to have woken with those dreams.

i think they were good dreams.

or maybe there's just something in the air today.

something good in the air today.

and i just wrote things down on a piece of paper beside me.

a bit of a "to do" list of things

which is usually what i do in the morning with my cup of coffee.

those little habits and rituals we have.

but today i decided, this list is going to be a bit different.

i guess in a sense, i want to break a habit,

or make an exception. or just leap over my own little shadow.

and simply see what happens when you do things differently

than you normally do.

but that's all for now.

early morning thoughts.

and walking out into a new and wonderful day.

beyond. beyond. beyond.

2009-12-26T05:22:00.001-08:00

an older photograph.

one of those once upon a time photographs.

yet still, and always,

a special photograph.

i needed to share this here. today.

words and a song, that have become a true and constant friend

these past days. these past weeks.

giving a passionate peace, giving an enlightening warmth.

gently reminding me. and maybe even encouraging me.

words that have become a part of the emotions,

and of the chapters (once written and still being written)

and of the journies (once travelled and still be travelled)

these are simply words, a song and a chant,

that mean much.

and i needed to share this here. today.

(and maybe it's a bit of a different way of saying...

merry christmas...

and may all your wishes come true.

and may you go beyond.)

BEYOND

nothing lasts forever,

no one lives forever.

the flower that fades and dies,

winter passes and spring comes,

embrace the cycle of life.

that is the greatest love.

GO BEYOND FEAR

beyond fear takes you into the place where love grows,

when you refuse to follow the impulses of fear, anger and revenge.

BEYOND MEANS TO FEEL YOURSELF.

start every day singing like the birds

singing takes you beyond, beyond, beyond, beyond.

we need a repeated discipline,

a genuine training to let go our old habits of mind

and to find and sustain a new way of seeing.

GO BEYOND THE RIGHTS AND THE WRONGS.

prayer clears the head and brings back peace to the soul.

GO BEYOND TO FEEL THE ONENESS OF THE UNITY

sing.

singing takes you beyond, beyond, beyond, beyond.

we are all the same,

all the same,

looking to find our way back to the source,

to the ONE, to the only ONE.

GO BEYOND REVENGE.

the greatest moment in our lives

is when we allow us to teach each other.

GO BEYOND TO FEEL THE ONENESS OF THE UNITY.

sing.

singing takes you beyond, beyond, beyond, beyond.

TAKE THE JOURNEY INSIDE OF YOU.

to become quiet to hear the beyond.

to become patient to receive the beyond.

to become open to invite the beyond

and be grateful to allow the beyond.

be in the present moment to live in the beyond.

start every day singing like the birds.

singing takes you beyond, beyond, beyond, beyond.

WHAT DOES LOVE HAVE TO DO WITH IT?

LOVE grows when you trust.

when you trust LOVE heals and renews.

LOVE inspires and empowers us to do great things

and makes us a better person to love.

LOVE makes us feel safe and brings us closer to GOD.

when you go beyond that’s where you find true love.

keep singing.

singing takes you

beyond. beyond. beyond.

you can listen to these words here,

a spiritual message written by Tina Turner - inspired by Deepak Chopra & Rumi

la vie est belle...

2009-10-11T14:58:00.001-07:00

these words and this thought

became a constant companion.

i wrote it on a piece of paper

and i wrote it on my heart

with each and every day.

la vie est belle... la vie est belle.

photograph taken in menerbes.

la vie est belle...

that’s exactly what it is !

i arrived back home from the provence late last tuesday evening. and as welcoming and wonderful and comforting as it is to always find your way back home, there was (and still is…) a hint of me that simply wanted to stay. just a little longer. or a whole lot longer. or maybe even a whole life time longer. and to be honest, i don’t even know where to begin with my stories and my tellings… the sharings of all that was and all that is.

and in some ways, some of these stories feel best simply shared with words in spoken conversation to a friend, or in the sweet smile of simply remembering, simply knowing and simply holding them close within.

it’s in moments like that, in moments of conversations or personal rememberings, that you keep it alive. that you keep it real. and it’s simply, ever so simply, these things and those moments that are a part of all what is and all what composes everything that is this wonderful you.

yes.

la vie est belle…

and there is such an energy and so many little wonders and goodness that feel as though they are twirling around me these days. with every day. and i want to spill it all. capture and recapture each moment. but i simply can’t. i just want to live it. each moment. as it happens. and awe and adore and breathe and be it all. i don’t even know if there are enough words. for the emotions. the sensations. and when the quiet moments find themselves, i simply take them for all the beauty that the quiet is. to reflect. to enjoy. and to simply let it be.

(and as i write this… another little wonder happened. these are the moments. these are the days. and in the midsts of it all. i simply find myself grateful. thankful and grateful. and simply happy…)

what are the things i want to share about those days of the provence? i’d simply rather say, “come on over for a cup of coffee… or a glass of wine.” and i’d simply rather tell you the stories as they open themselves. but also, because i want to hear your stories… i’d want to hear of the magic and the wonder and the little moments of your days.

i’d tell you stories about that sensation of knowing you’re starting a journey. and not just a journey to a destination, but the journey within a journey. listening to the inner voice. to that intuition. and finding the way. and not just on a map, but within yourself. (although sometimes I wonder why we can’t always have a naviagtion and gps that leads us thru life and not just along the road?). one of the questions that fell upon me in a gentle, familiar and reminding way was “worauf wartest du eigentlich… worauf wartest du?”. (what are you waiting for… what is it that you’re waiting for)”.

i’d tell you stories about the most beautiful countrysides and landscapes, colours as light and shadow play a game amongst themselves. of olive trees and cypress trees. and vineyards. beautiful, lush vineyards that teased you with new colours and the sweetest taste on your lips and tongue every day. I’d tell you of the old man that passed me on his walks every day, starting just with his nod of his head, then slowly to a “bonjour madame…” and then to a smile on his face with his “bonjour”… and finally seeing how I was becoming a part of his own every day and gradually graduating to a “bonjour madame… ca va?”.

i’d tell you stories of living in a beautiful house that held the passion and respect for days gone by and probably held a thousand and one stories of its own. but also of a beautiful house that wouldn’t be what it was today if it wasn’t for the beautiful souls that brought it back to life. la madone. la madone.

i’d tell you stories of having a car break down in the midsts of the luberon mountains and a quiet country road somewhere between bonnieux and menerbes. people stopping to help and then simply waiting,.counting stones. counting steps. waiting. laughing (as there really wasn’t much else left to do at that given point and moment…). having the woman that lived down the road bring me a cup of coffee. remembering to turn my face into the sun and just smile about it all. trying in my broken french to say thank you again, but help really is on its way (and then having occassional moments of wondering, if it really is… after about the third hour). and about just having the time to think of so many things. and promise to start going back to yoga once i am back home again too. but then, help did finally come with the tow truck. and thankfully, the tow truck wasn’t needed after all. the mechanic was determined it really was just the battery, after all… i’m a woman and i was on the phone and surely i let the car idle with music while i was talking? non? i refuse to answer that question. however, the first two attempts with the battery didn’t seem to be the answer. but then with a thump and a twack and literally a kick in the ass, it was the battery after all.

to be continued…

(i need to be up early tomorrow morning… on my way to munich.

and another story I have to share.)

seven more sleeps...

2009-09-23T15:11:00.000-07:00

"Your greatest self has been waiting your whole life.
Don't make it wait any longer."
- Steve Maraboli -

an older photograph.
once. taken.
but a photograph, that will always mean a lot.

seven more sleeps.

and then i’m finally away. on my holiday.

france. the provence.

and i like to think i can feel it. taste it. smell it.

already.

and tonight is the first night

that i realised, i don’t hear the crickets outside anymore.

maybe they already left last night,

or maybe the night before.

all i know is that suddenly i’m aware of the quiet i hear.

the change. of coming. and of going.

cycles and circles. these motions in constant flow.

and as much as there’s a gentle inner warmth of an autumn evening,

there’s that nostalgic sentiment of time that’s let itself be carried on.

there’s been much going on the past days. even the past weeks.

and again, i’ve wanted to write and share all those things here.

of the good things. of little wonders as i like to call them.

and of subtle moments that maybe don’t have much relevance.

but if you hold those moments, or the reflections of them

in your hand,

you see things in a different light.

and suddenly there is a relevance.

understandings. or simply pieces that fall into place.

and as always,

it’s the simple things, those subtle things

that usually have more strength or power

than we can possibly imagine ourselves.

desiderata. yes. desiderata.

and those little things

are like the pebbles and stones we cast into a pond,

playfully rippling their echoes.

and knowingly or not,

changing things.

somedays I feel like i’ve been casting pebbles.

and somedays i feel like i’ve been the pebble cast.

but most of these days,

i feel like i’m simply in the magical ripple and echoe of it all.

last night I went to ute dahmen’s reading of her book

aenne burda. wunder sind machbar.

a biography on the life of an amazing, an interesting

and a unique woman. a powerful woman.

the title of the book is based on one of aenne’s quotes.

“Ich werde zeigen, dass Wunder machbar sind”

which means,

“I will show, that wonders can be made“

and that’s what i like about that thought.

not waiting for wonders to simply happen themselves,

or “wondering” why they are or aren’t happening.

but rather making the wonders happen.

and maybe what she also meant in between those lines,

is in simply being the wonder yourself.

and i believe, the book just might be one of the books

that i’m taking along with me on my holiday.

although I have to also admit,

there are a few books that are piling themselves up

waiting and wanting to be read.

and that leaves me wondering,

what are the books that are lying on your bedside table?

or on your kitchen table and your living room floor?

i like it when books don’t always dutifully oblige

to simply being orderly kept on their shelves.

i have my books here and there and everywhere in the house.

yes. on shelves and in shelves.

but also on the floor. or on the window sill.

sometimes it’s almost as though I create places for my books,

as though to make them feel at home.

or an invitation of waiting and wanting to be discovered.

it’s as though books need open spaces. they need to breath.

to become a part of what’s surrounds us.

and sometimes I like to think that books also speak stories

aside from those written within and along their pages.

i like finding books at flea markets.

books i simply instinctively stumble upon.

sometimes it’s the cover of the book that lures and lulls me

(although it’s been said again and again,

never to judge a book by its cover…)

and sometimes yes, it’s simply the instinct.

and you open it up and read a line on an unknown page,

finding a sense of curiousity. or a familiarity.

and of all the pages,

that’s the one you turned to. that’s the one you found.

and usually it’s a lovely surprise.

it simply fits. it simply belongs.

one line in the middle of a story. and yet it’s complete.

and whenever i travel, there’s almost always a book

that travels back home with me too.

even if in a language i don’t speak nor understand,

but there’s almost always a book.

something, that simply lured me. and lulled me.

new books. old books. sometimes forgotten books.

and that reminds me of a thought I wrote a while ago.

on a scrap piece of paper that i slipped

into my own handwritten book.

i’ll have to see if i can find those words again.

maybe. later.

but for now,

i’m simply going to slip outside

my blanket, a glass of wine. and maybe a cigarette.

because peaking a glance out the window,

it looks like there’s a beautiful autumn sky

and a glorious heaven of stars.

tonight is the first night

that i realised, i don’t hear the crickets outside anymore.

and so maybe tonight is just the right night

in this different kind of quiet,

to say hello. and to say good bye.

to the change. of coming. and of going.

cycles and circles.

these motions in constant flow.

explore. dream. discover.

2009-09-01T13:59:00.000-07:00

"Throw off the bowlines.

Sail away from the safe harbor.

Catch the trade winds in your sails.

Explore. Dream. Discover."

Mark Twain.

la provence.

it's been a while now since i've been promising that to myself.

just a bit of time away

to explore. dream. discover.

and today, i simply said yes.

on the 30th of september

me, myself and i

are going to pack our bags and pack the car

and take a little long drive.

an autumn drive.

and find our way here.

la madone.

the beautiful la madone

simply time away

to read. to write. to day dream.

to play with the camera again.

to wander. and to wonder.

to take lazy afternoon naps

or to walk along the sea.

maze myself thru vineyards

and tempt myself in markets.

with antiques or simply delicious delights

to taste with the autumn evening wine.

but mostly,

just to take deep and passionate breaths of life again.

there's a wonderful phrase in german

die seele baumeln lassen...

is to let the soul sway.

and that's just what i'm going to do.

time away. alone.

and smiling at strangers

and smiling at life.

and all the apartments at la madone are a treasure,

but it was the renaissance that i really fell in love with.

sometimes,

we simply have to say yes.

and sometimes,

we simply have to be good to ourselves.

la provence.

it's been a while now since i've been promising that to myself.

just a bit of time away

to explore. dream. discover.

photos from la madone.

Desiderata...

2009-08-25T12:34:00.000-07:00

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham,drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

"Desiderata"

- Max Ehrmann -

Desiderata...

it's always been a poem... and a companion.

of words that i always carefully and fondly embrace...

words that need reminding. of words that need remembering.

words that need the here. and the now.

and yes.

words we need to carry along on the way.

i'm enjoying the quiet of the summer night.

the winding down, the coming down

of a long day. and a good day.

there's a soft breeze fluttering thru the window.

and i can still hear the crickets outside...

and oh how i love that sound.

it's like a soft lullaby of a summer's night.

and i have to admit,

i'm always a bit sad when suddenly a night comes,

and you realise they've gone. away.

and there's simply a different sense of quiet

that cradles itself around you.

that's the day, when you know

summer has passed...

and there's a change in the air.

things move. and they move on.

yes,

the world is unfolding. just as it should.

tonight,

i had a wonderful lady here from the local newspaper.

i guess you could say it was for an interview

i had no idea what to expect and needless to say,

i think i was a bit nervous too.

what if i say the wrong things...

or what if i fall and stumble all over my thoughts and words.

yes. i tend to be a bit clutsy at times.

but the only thing i could keep reminding myself of,

was simply be yourself.

take a deep breath... and simply be yourself.

after all, isn't that the one thing that we're all best at being?

anyhow,

it's late. and it's night.

and the soft ssummer evening's breeze has become a fall of rain.

a luscious luscious summer rain.

and i'm going to slip outside, under the veranda

and under a blanket

and simply wrap the day around me...

to let it all unfold.

desiderata...

playing games...

2009-08-24T13:27:00.000-07:00

shadow games...

while waiting at train stations

with the little detours in life.

susanne. et moi.

being playfully silly.

once a little while ago.

saturday morning... coffee in hand.

2009-08-07T23:16:00.000-07:00

And above all watch,

with glittering eyes the whole world around you

because the greatest secrets

are always hidden in the most unlikely places.

Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.

- Roald Dahl -

good morning...

saturday morning.

and i just wanted to write a word or two

and say hello,

with my cup of coffee in hand.

oh. there's so much i've been wanting to babble on about.

random thoughts. of this and that and this again.

i've wanted to write about gaylene.

and about secret garden parties.

i've wanted to write about wonderfully lazy sundays

swimming in the quarry, sleeping in the sun.

i've wanted to write about magical summer nights

and the lovely cécile

and about purgings. sifting thru the little things.

making room for the bigger things.

and sometimes we go thru purgings of the mind

and the heart

and not just dresser drawers.

and i still never told my story of paris

at the feet of lions and the wedding ring.

or of the beautiful anna netrebko with a pretty flower ring.

but maybe those are things i'll get caught up on yet.

or simply write about other precious moments as they come along

and come to life.

in a sweet way,

i like to think that every day holds and shares its precious moment.

and so i find myself with a smile with each new day

and the wonder of wondering.

because its the surprise of the unexpected,

the good unexpected moments

that i love best.

open arms. open eyes. and an open heart.

ready to simply embrace

life. and love.

and susan is on her way over for a few days...

a wonderful friend that i can embrace tomorrow night.

and that too leaves a smile on my face!

anyhow...

saturday morning.

and i just wanted to write a word or two

and say hello,

with my cup of coffee in hand.

sir nicholas henderson...

2009-07-22T13:23:00.001-07:00

Sir Nicholas Henderson

1 April 1919 – 16 March 2009

"Henderson was a toweringly handsome man of enormous charm and affections.

His throwaway manner disguised a rapier-sharp mind.

He was a Scarlet Pimpernel among ambassadors,

a romantic hero with an extraordinary quality of coolness.

Nothing ruffled his good-humoured urbanity,

his glamorous, deeply English style."

The Guardian

photograph taken on an august day.

once upon a time. in london. the café rouge.

every now and then, you meet strangers along the way.

you speak, without the use of language.

simply an understanding,

a knowing smile.

a mutual sympathy.

and that was my moment

of having met

sir nicholas henderson.

over the years,

this is a photograph that i have treasured

that always brought a quiet smile upon my face.

and with each and every time i looked back at this photo,

i found myself remembering.

and seeing that moment. being in that moment

once again.

we were sitting in the café rouge. knightsbridge.

claudia and i were slowly on our way back to the airport,

after a weekend together for one of our

"let's meet in the middle of the world" weekends.

and there was such an energy in the place,

the energy of all the people and all the strangers.

and it was a good energy.

it felt like there were so many stories wanting to be told

if you just took a moment to look. to watch.

and in that sense,

to listen

with eyes. and with heart.

it's when you listen not to what you simply hear,

but to what you feel.

and i needed to capture a few of these moments,

these listenings and these feelings.

i needed to. and i wanted to.

and that's when this man walked in

and took place just a few tables away.

an older man. a gentleman.

he had such a grace about him. an elegance.

something so striking and so intriguing.

there was something friendly. and sincere.

something genuine.

his presence was something gentle.

and even with the years his face held or the white of his hair,

there was something boyish about him. almost playful.

and i could sense, there were so many stories he could tell

and so many stories he could share.

and i had this longing to listen.

to be taken on a little journey with the stories.

there are times i can be timid with the camera.

unsure and uncertain if i'm allowed to invite myself into a moment

that doesn't belong to me.

respect. boundaries.

but on this particular day,

i think there was a courage. or many just an intuition.

or simply something you emanate. radiate.

and the world opens its doors to you.

it opens its eyes to you.

and its heart.

i still remember that moment that i took the camera in the hand,

i know i had a smile on my face.,

and i know that i didn't look thru the lens,

but i simply held the camera. and i simply looked at him.

and that's when i realised,

he allowed me to watch. he allowed me to wonder.

he allowed me into his moment.

and he had a smile on his face too.

i felt i had to speak with him,

simply to let him know,

that this wasn't just a photograph taken

for the sake of a photograph,

but rather because i was captivated,

and because i felt there was such an aura about him.

and i told him, i would like to send him this photograph too.

he smiled at me again,

shook my hand and said he was fascinated as well.

the way i looked at him with sincerity and a curiousity.

and that he could tell i was someone that took life and people

and that what surrounds me,

with a sensitivity and an awareness.

and that is a rare virtue. something to be valued.

and then he said,

"hello. my name is nicholas."

he asked me if i had a piece of paper and a pen.

i went back to the table to get my purse

and pulled out a book.

i always have a book.

to simply write thoughts. write moments.

to write little manifestations throughout the day.

and then he wrote down his name. his address.

and he smiled again and said

"i look forward to seeing that photograph."

at that moment, i only took a quick glance

at the letters and the words he had written.

i thanked him and wished him a wonderful day.

it wasn't until i got home that evening that i pulled out my book.

sir nicholas henderson.

that was his name.

i think i felt a bit more of the familiarity in that moment.

and of course i had to google.

oh for the love of google.

and that's when i found another smile on my face.

as a child growing up,

i was fortunate enough to have teachers that left their impact on my life.

grade two and mrs. moritz. she was one of those teachers.

she taught me about honesty. integrity.

and awoke an interest in politics.

i think it was in grade two

that i fell in love with pierre elliot trudeau.

and to this day,

i find him to be one of the most passionate and powerful,

literally liberating politicians there ever was.

he too had a grace. an elegance. and yet his unconventionality.

and always his red rose that he wore on his lapel.

and although i was in grade six

when the falkland islands crisis came to be,

it was something that i followed and was so very aware of.

it made me question more about politics, about relations.

and i remember going back to mrs. moritz

and holding conversations.

wanting to learn. wanting to understand.

pretty heavy when you're in grade six

and everything else that really mattered those days,

was who was the most favourite girl in the class

or playing joan jett and the black hearts again and again and again.

or falling in love with simon le bon.

i was eleven and hello. welcome puberty. and growing breasts.

or reading judy blume books.

does anyone remember "ralph"?

and then there was the falkland islands.

and to this day,

i base many of my own personal thoughts and theories

of a very strange british and american political relationship

and what i consider,

apparent silent vows to back then.

yes. rewind time. 1982. the falkland islands.

and that's when i realised,

i knew the name.

sir nicholas henderson.

he built relations. and he built ships.

and then he built bridges.

relationship bridges.

it's been a while since i held this photograph in my hand.

it's been a while since i held that piece of paper in my hand.

and tonight for some reason,

i had to pull it out of a box

and out of a frame.

and then i suddenly had a regret.

because i never sent that photograph after all.

so maybe what i want to say,

is thank you for that smile.

and thank you for that moment.

simply because...

every now and then, you meet strangers along the way.

you speak, without the use of language.

simply an understanding,

a knowing smile.

a mutual sympathy.

but they make a difference

and they become a part of your life.

and the stories you write in your life.

and the stories you share in your life.

sir nicholas henderson.

reminding the self....

2009-06-24T15:09:00.001-07:00

reminding... the self.

once again.

the miracle is you.

oh how i adore this woman...

lovingly known as sark!

how to be really alive!

live juicy. stamp out conformity.

stay in bed all day. dream of gypsy

wagons. find snails making love.

develop an astounding appetite for books.

drink sunsets. draw out your feelings.

amaze yourself. be ridiculous. stop

woryying. now. if not now, then when?

make yes your favourite word. marry

yourself. dry your clothes in the sun.

eat mangoes naked. keep toys in the

bathtub. spin yourself dizzy. hang

upside down. follow a child. celebrate

an old person. send a love letter to your

self. be advanced. try endearing. invent

new ways to love. transform negatives.

delight someone. wear pajamas to a

drive in movie. allow yourself to feel

rich withouth money. be who you truly

are and the money will follow. believe

in everything. you are always on

your way to a miracle.

the miracle is you.

cherry trees...

2009-05-18T13:28:00.000-07:00

seeing clearly.

illuminations. of light

the katrin sessions.

today.

i walked thru the garden

and picked my first cherries from the tree.

it felt like that first taste of sweet.

i simply stood there,

reaching out and reaching up...

and what was it that pablo neruda once said?

"i want to do with you

what spring does with cherry trees..."

and i found a smile on my face.

today, it felt like there was magic in the garden.

and magic in the day.

i saw my first rose that came to bloom.

augusta louisa.

with her orange and peach and pink.

and it's just a day or two,

and then my peonies,

will hold their promise too.

i saw the first shades of lavender,

and the shy white purity of my jasmine.

with each and every day,

it feels like its all promising something new.

you know,

life amazes me at times.

simply, the little things...

like a garden in spring.

and cherry trees.'

and what amazed you today?

what made you fall into that glorious wonder of wonder?

capturing light...

2009-05-10T12:51:00.000-07:00

glimpses of saturday morning

and the katrin sessions.

capturing light, as it falls thru a window

upon realms of the aura of beauty.

there was much that i wanted to write today.

simply little ramblings of thoughts. happenings.

things that make me smile these days.

and maybe even those things,

that carry themselves heavy on the heart.

but i've come to suddenly notice,

that sunday has almost come to past

and it's leaving me content with just the quiet

and the still of the night.

so instead, i'll simply and quietly share a photograph or two

from the katrin sessions. yesterday.

and i'll slip outside with a glass of wine,

sit on the steps and feel the soft hushed wind and gentle fall of rain,

gaze a little at the skies

and maybe see a star light, star bright,

to make my wish come true tonight.

and i'll open my arms and open my heart to a new day

and a new week.

and hope she's good and wonderful for all of us.

thailand. and back again.

2009-04-15T13:39:00.000-07:00

sacred. and mystical.

ancient stories carved

in the pasts of yesterdays and tomorrows.

and this is where we stand now.

just a quick note to say hello.

and i'm home again.

i arrived back from thailand

late last week.

and i still feel as though i'm caught

in the wonderful blur,

of being in two places.

moments along the maps

of here and there.

it was simply a time

to take a deep breath.

inhale and exhale.

and in the same sense,

be absolutely overwhelmed.

with wonder.

with the wonder of colour. and sounds and smells.

or the wonder of contradictions.

cultural contradictions.

the wonder of pulsating streets.

and then the wonder of solitude

watching the morning sun as she rises.

or the wonder of midnight hours

lying under stars with the lull of the sea.

it was about a hand filled with white sea shells

and a heart filled with the momentum of life.

yes. i'm home again...

in the wonderful blur,

of being in two places.

moments along the maps

of here and there.

taking that daring chance...

2009-03-22T15:29:00.000-07:00

From 3rd to 17th April 2009,
the artMbassy Gallery in Berlin will be showing the "Best Of"
from the Fashion Photography Contest on Hair,
"New to the Eye", by Sebastian Professional.

Around 130 creative people from across the globe
sent in more than 1.100 photographs.
A selection of the best (about 50 exhibits)
will be on display at the exhibition.
After its premiere in Berlin, the collection will be on tour.
Exhibitions are planned for Frankfurt, Vienna and Zürich.

(excerpts from Sebastian Professional Press Release)

back in december,

isabelle had asked me if i could do a few photographs

for her at the salon.

simply for a project that she has in mind,

showing women and men of different faces, generations,

different colours, different cuts.

the idea was to show personalities

and the beauty that each has in themselves,

while still keeping the story on hair. and style.

it was a good day. it was a wonderful day.

we laughed together. we talked together.

and to be honest,

i believe that for a few of the women, even the men,

it was almost like an unveiling.

as though seeing themselves in a different light

or from a different perspective.

photography is about telling stories,

but in a language that requires no words.

photography is about capturing an essence,

and a moment in time.

it's about documenting. and it's about reflecting.

and maybe it's a cliché,

but it's not just about seeing with the eye,

but also seeing with the heart.

anyhow,

isabelle then came up with the idea,

that we should send in the one or other photograph

for the "new to the eye" competition from sebastian.

i was a bit hesitant.

sebastian has some of the best hair and style photography out there.

avantgarde at its finest.

provocative. evocative.

and although i was pleased with the photographs,

i just didn't think that i could be parred with that.

and i didn't think that i could stand a chance.

but isabelle didn't let easy.

and close to the very last minute,

i sent in two of the photographs taken that day.

so now it's my turn to say...

thank you for being so god damn stubborn with me my dear bella.

and thank you for being a "best of" in my own life...

because we made it!

we're a part of the exhibit. a part of the collection.

we're a part of "new to the eye".

and i like to think that the magic we stirred in those girls,

was the magic they stirred in us.

you see.

it's all about reflecting. reflections.

and taking a chance.

about taking that daring chance...

waiting for spring...

2009-03-15T15:21:00.000-07:00

waiting for spring...

as she blossoms.

quietly. slowly.

passionately.

this glorious promise she keeps.

and as she awakes.

and restlessly playfully stirs...

you feel and you see

her open arms. and her open heart.

hello again.

it's a been a while.

a long long while...

but like with a good friend,

you simply start off where you left off.

and it's as though not a day,

not a week nor a month has passed.

or maybe it's like spring.

one day you simply wake up,

and you know she's there.

you might not see her just quite yet,

but you feel her.

and you catch yourself with a smile.

knowing that in her own way,

she was there all along.

------------

sunday. sweet sunday.

that's what today was.

it was about spending the morning in pyjamas and with cups of coffee,

sitting around the kitchen table with a friend.

it was about getting dressed in my favourite flowered skirt,

a jean jacket and a scarf with a pair of rubber boots

and saying hello to the garden.

it was about pruning roses for the first time in my life.

and it was about the smile on my face,

simply to see that they survived the winter. and me.

(do i dare admit, i think i broke every gardening rule

there ever was to break...)

it was about planting white peonies

and digging in the dirt with bare hands

and about pulling out the weeds. one by one.

it was about grabbing another cup of coffee and sitting on the steps,

simply content and thinking just how good things can be.

and beside me on these steps, was my pot of heather.

my pot of irish heather.

and i took it in my hands, just to take a closer look,

and i so had to think of jacinta.

she brought me that heather last september.

as a little gift from her cooley mountains.

she placed it in my hands and told me,

i need to plant this, to always remember how strong i am,

to remember how real my dreams are,

and what it is that lives inside me

and what it is that i have to do.

jacinta. she simply has something magical about herself.

something wise, but something so beautifully magical.

and i was just sitting there, holding that pot of heather in my hands

and remembering what she said.

i suddenly received a text message

simply saying

"ange, i just so had to think of you right now.

i've been thinking of you a lot these past few days,

wondering how you are...

but suddenly, that thought was stronger than ever

and i wanted to let you know.

it feels like spring here in ireland today,

it's lovely and i'm going into the garden.

so strange, because it's almost as though you're here.

love, jacinta"

i was at a loss words. and i couldn't help but smile.

never ever tell me, that thoughts can't travel,

and that thoughts can't be felt.

over time. over space.

it's the power we have.

and it's moments like this, that simply remind us.

there's more to tell about the sunday. and about life.

but for now,

it's time to find my way to blankets and bed.

and simply say good night.

waiting for spring...

words. chapters of a year...

2009-01-16T23:26:00.000-08:00

words. thoughts. fragments of words and thoughts.

that were spoken. and written.

in the days and weeks and months

of a year gone by.

these become our chapters. and our stories.

in this wonderful things we call,

our book of life.

and seeing words splashed on a collage like this,

makes me realise how wonderful language is.

how beautiful language is.

it's expression. communication.

and even when written rather than spoken,

it's voice. it's signature.

of the self.

simply reflections of the self.

each word we allow to cross our lips

to come from our minds or our hearts

is a reflection of the self.

-----------------------

i've been meaning and wanting to write for days now.

capture thoughts and moments

and maybe even to manifest what the new year is to be.

but for now,

i'll simply share these words.

sweet. simple. words.

of the days and weeks and months

of a year gone by.

ps.

thank you tam...

for giving me and showing me my wordle words.

blowing you a kiss. just for that.

and just for you being you.

home sweet home.

2008-12-15T19:05:00.000-08:00

heart. beats.

snow. snow. snow.

well. that's it now.

in about an hour

there'll be a taxi

taking me to a train station

that'll be taking me to the aeroport.

there's always this sensation about leaving.

about travelling. setting on a journey.

and i can't find the words for it right now.

but it's there. this sensation.

my suitcase is already downstairs.

just a few things that still need to be packed.

i'm still sitting here with a cup of coffee

and pyjamie bottoms.

and it's very early morning.

four o'clock early morning.

and it feels like the whole world is fast asleep

with just the hush of quiet around me.

mom's already warned me that it's cold.

and i think over the years i've forgotten

what minus twenty five degrees of cold can be.

i suppose it's time to remember again.

but i can't wait to see the snow.

to see the city with all her christmas lights.

to sleep in my old bed. in my old room.

or just to hear the way

mom putters thru the house

doing her thing.

or dad sits at the kitchen table with the paper

humming along to a song.

and it's when you hear those sounds,

that's when you know you're home.

home sweet home.

la lune. i like simply calling her la lune...

2008-12-14T13:33:00.000-08:00

for all the ways in which we embrace each and every day.

and for the wonderful way we smile at the world

and the way the world smiles back with us.

and as she too, smiled and laughed...

all she simply said was...

omondieu!

she smiled and laughed and said...

omondieu!

sunday night and i'm tired.

simply and wonderfully tired.

in fact, i almost think i'm even too tired to write.

but i'll try.and simply spill a word or two before me

before i crawl into the warm comfort of blankets and pillows

and say good night for the day.

and i'm asking myself, why it is,

that weekends always come and go so quick?

saturday morning meant being up bright and early,

had an appointment with isabelle at the salon

just for a wee trim and shape and a bit of colour...

i thought.

sat there with my cup of coffee

and then isabelle spoke the words

saying we're going short.

and i think i went speechless for a moment.

needless to say,

pageboy bobbish kind of short.

and it's absolutely sweet if i can even say that myself.

and it wasn't until around noon that i found my way out

into the hustle and bustle of the streets

with all attempts at christmas. and shopping.

but it's been a while since i've been in lahr,

or simply even had the time to wander,

so it was less about taking care of gifts and presents,

and more about running into friends and faces

and taking time for coffee. at the bistro.

i managed to get a few things done

but had to be at isabelle's for three.

coffee. cake. champagne.

with the girls.

we just wanted to spend a bit of time together before i leave.

and to be honest,

it still really hasn't sunk in yet that tuesday's the day

and i'll be singing...

"so kiss me and smile for me

tell me that you'll wait for me

hold me like you'll never let me go.

cause i'm leaving on a jet plane

don't know when i'll be back again..."

and i'll be on my way home.

anyhow. a lovely afternoon with the girls.

with my bella. dani and susan too.

and on my way driving home,

a few of the things that made me smile were

of stopping at the gas station

and the cashier smiling and saying,

i haven't seen you in a while.

and me coming to think,

yeah, that's right. i haven't been here in a while.

and smiling back.

and then he gave me chocolate. yummy yummy chocolate.

simply saying,

here, have this on your way home.

at times, i swear it's the simplest and sweetest things

that make the difference.

and then, it was about driving home and following

the path and trace of a voluptious full moon

shining. bigger and brighter than life.

and on the radio they were playing the cure.

and that had me singing along with an even bigger smile...

"Show me how you do that trick

The one that makes me scream" she said

"The one that makes me laugh" she said

And threw her arms around my neck

"Show me how you do it

And I promise you,

I promise that I'll run away with you."

and god i love that song. and those words.

i think that's why it had to be written over here

and just for the way, it's a part of what life and love is meant to be.

anyhow, i still needed to get myself to the cité,

just to pick up another gift or two

but i was also supposed to be meeting up with fausto for a drink as well.

so is this the time and place i confess that i was running just a wee bit late

once again?

yes. angie. typical angie.

but i do my best.

and that was saturday.

today meant getting up early again

and heading to the office.

there's simply so much i still need to get done.

and that deadline, i have to admit again,

it does have me a bit worried.

i know everyone will be fine.

and i know everything will work out just as well.

but still.

it's the adrenaline. and the anticipation.

everytime this part of a new catalogue draws near.

and just because it matters so much. and means the world to me.

i left the office around four o'clock

and off to oberkirch i was to meet up with simone.

and how wonderful it was to see her.

we talked and talked and talked.

about what's all been and what all should be.

about men. about work. about ideas.

and simply about life.

i think we could have talked all night.

and she was simply the most wonderful inspiration.

but also the most wonderful confirmation. and motivation.

she wanted a femme heureuse shirt as well

so i had brought that along.

and she slipped into it right away.

shite. damn. silly me.

we should have taken a photograph

because trust me when i say,

she looked marvelous, absolutely marvelous in that shirt.

and that shirt looked marvelous, absolutely marvelous on her.

she has a few meetings and interviews coming up as well,

so she said there's no doubt in her mind with what she'll be wearing.

femme heureuse. that's what it's all about.

living and being. femme heureuse.

and then, driving home again,

there she was.

that moon. that beautiful and glorious moon.

i had to stop. and i had to pull off on to the side of the road.

step out and go for a walk. and have a cigarette.

and it felt like all i could do

was look at that moon. that beautiful and glorious moon.

(yes. i had quit. and back on the verge of quitting.

but every now and then. and for moments like this.

there's a time and there's a place. and a cigarette.)

and then i carried on.

driving.

and then i heard a voice i hadn't heard in a long while.

maybe an intentional long while.

but i heard his voice. speaking. on the radio.

and i had to catch my breath. hold my breath.

and remind myself.

femme heureuse. femme heureuse.

and let it go.

that voice. that thought. and the feeling of him.

and now it's sunday night,

and a chilly cold december's sunday night.

on the floor there's a suitcase almost packed.

on the table there's a glass of pinot noir at my side

and three candles burning for advent.

and looking thru my window,

there she is again.

that moon. that beautiful and glorious moon.

la lune. i like simply calling her la lune.

of smiles and laughter. and paper hearts...

2008-12-06T15:53:00.000-08:00

a saturday.

of cutting paper hearts.

and playing with a camera.

of drinking much too much coffee.

and girls at work are girls at play.

these are the katrin sessions.

katrin came over today.

one of my sweetest dear girls at the office.

and we were on a bit of a mission.

the both of us. the camera. and a bit of omondieu!

i don't know how many photographs we took.

a hundred wouldn't nearly say enough.

but going thru them tonight

put back the smiles and the laughs that we had all day.

it felt so good to be with the camera again.

sometimes i had felt as though i had lost a bit of the vision,

and lost a bit of the language.

yes, i believe we speak a language with what we see,

with what we capture and what we share.

a language that is spoken quietly. and needs no words.

but the photo session last weekend

and then the session today,

it all felt familiar. like an old friend.

that came to embrace you again.

granted, the camera didn't always do what i wanted it to do,

and a grey december day

didn't leave me with the light i wanted neither.

but there were so many laughs. and so many smiles.

and yes. coffee. coffee. and more coffee.

i'm happy with these photographs.

these photographs of today.

and i think the whole day was about laughter.

it was about good things. sweet things.

it was about women. and it was about friends.

it was about the photographs and the talks with katrin.

and in the midsts of that,

a phone call from the salon

giving me a list of the shirts they sold

and of shirts that need to be ordered.

and i don't think i need to say,

that phone call left me with yet another smile.

there were freshly baked cookies placed on the doorstep,

(for which i'm trying my hardest not to eat all at once.)

and then there was isabelle coming over for dinner.

we drove into town to go to le bistro

because we wanted mussels, mussels, mussels.

and a good glass of wine.

isabelle and i both reckoned,

life must be a wonderful thing,

when the most difficult decision of the moment,

is deciding whether it's a chardonnay or a grauer burgunder.

needless to say, the grauer burgunder it was.

but even dinner was full of smiles and laughs.

we had talks of the heart

and those things that matter most,

but we also laughed and laughed and laughed.

so many little stories and incidences

that simply made us laugh.

(and there goes isabelle's dress... once again.)

and i honestly can't remember the last time

i laughed and smiled as much as i did today.

after dinner, we simply went for a walk

thru the christmas market.

a magical thing. and a beautiful thing.

the smells. of spices. and chocolate. and roasting chestnuts.

the people. the christmas lights. and the merry go round.

at first we thought we'd warm ourselves up with a cup of mulled wine,

but then we thought we'd do things our way,

and a glass of champagne it was.

and afterwards we came back home.

to put on a pot of tea,

of chamomile and rose and lavender.

we lit the fire and curled ourselves up on the couch

talking. talking. simply talking

until once again it was late at night.

and that makes me realise again,

how thankful and grateful i am

for my girls. my dear and wonderful girls.

and with even the distance

and the road between us since i moved away,

they still always manage to find their way.

and now i just wanted to go thru some of the photographs,

and reflect on the day. and share upon the day.

as i say good night to this day.

a saturday.

of smiles and laughter.

and cutting paper hearts.

today. today was simply one of those days.

2008-12-04T14:23:00.000-08:00

there are days, you are simply filled with a vulnerability.

and it leaves you feeling fragile. transparent.

of sensitive skin. and a sensitive heart.

but it's in that fragility and that weakness,

that you also find your strength.

and when you can simply allow yourself to fall

to embrace even this,

there's a calm that wraps itself around you,

like arms, that protect you, shelter you.

arms that cradle you.

today.

today was simply one of those days.

and if i look back,

in so many ways it was a good day.

maybe a bit chaotic, as most of my days are.

but that's me. simply a part of me.

and there were moments that made me smile,

there were moments that made me hope.

but yet, there was this vulnerability.

this yearning. this longing.

and the holding on of the letting go.

those moments when you falter. and stumble just a little bit.

today.

today was simply one of those days.

and now it's late night. once again.

i have a candle lit on my table.

i have a vase filled with stems of rosehips.

and if you think about it. what a beautiful word.

rose. hips.

they hold such a simplicity in them. a richness of simplicity.

i had a meeting with wilma tonight.

having to bring her a few of my fleurs for her shop.

she has the sweetest, the loveliest little flower shop.

so it was nice,

knowing that in these small steps,

there's just a bit more magic on it's way.

the secret garden kind of magic.

oh today.

today was simply one of those days.

vulnerable.

and it leaves you feeling fragile. transparent.

of sensitive skin. and a sensitive heart.

promises... that we speak. that we keep.

2008-11-29T15:07:00.000-08:00

promse me you'll never forget me,

because if i thought you would...

i'd never leave.

- a.a. milne -

(and maybe just for the love of winnie the pooh... )

those are words that floated around me today.

simply floated. and made me smile.

and it was as though i was whispering these words to someone,

knowing that although he might not hear.

there's this constant glow of hope

that he just might feel those words. those thoughts.

and even if he doesn't know why,

that he just might catch himself smiling,

feeling something floating around him too.

---------------

got up rather tired this morning.

after a late night with the girls on friday night.

spent the day at the office,

trying to take steps forward with the catalogue.

it's close to insanity that i'm taking holidays so close before deadline

but it's something that needs to be done,

and i really need this holiday.

and just time spent with mom. with dad.

and just time spent back home.

but we had a good day and although somedays,

the work can't be measured or seen,

we managed to move forward.

small steps at times are big steps.

i didn't leave the office until maybe around six

drove off to pick up my rocking chair.

yes, i got myself a rocking chair.

something i've wanted for the bedroom for a while now.

a nice. white. old. rocking chair.

and the plan was that i was going to get back in time

to quickly sneak into ikea.

needing to stock up on my candles

and all those other little things,

as well as the shelves for behind the bed.

i swear, am i the only one that can go into ikea

and pick up candles for over fifty euro?

something i do every couple of months.

me. and my candles.

i have a whole cupboard just for me and my candles.

anyhow, i didn't make it in time.

needless to say.

i thought they were open until ten o'clock

but that wasn't the case.

so onward. homeward.

with a quick stop at the grocery store

that thankfully, was still open.

it's rare here in germany that a store is open that late.

and i can't tell you how glad i am,

that it's also a store, right across the street from me.

convience. convience. absolute convience.

so we'll have to save ikea for another night,

hopefully later this week.

if somehow time will allow.

so after getting home,

and getting my flowers finally put in vases,

and throwing in a bit of laundry

(these days, i feel like i've done everything and anything

other than win the housekeeper of the year award.

oh god. i swear one day i want a cleaning lady!)

i just wanted to pour myself a glass of wine

and pour water into the bath

and slip myself away.

but elisabeth called and we spent over an hour on the phone.

ahem. girls.

when they talk.

and trust me, there's always much to say.

i don't think the men really get it. these conversations we women can have.

elisabeth is away doing a market this weekend

and i maybe should have driven down to see her tonight

as i was almost already in that neck of the woods.

but considering i need to be up early in the morning,

i just reckoned it would be better to drive home.

and she was in her hotel room, drinking a glass of wine.

so that probably explains,

how and what our conversation was like.

oh the silliness. the sweet sweet silliness.

other sweet things of the past few days?

thursday night was ludwigsburg.

went to charlotte roche's last reading

of her ever so disputable and for many,

shocking book.

feuchtgebiete.

which i believe is just being translated into english.

wetlands.

for those with a vivid imagination.

yes. disputable. but i like to think,

taken with a touch of vulgar humour.

i won't say anything more.

anyhow. i wanted to go to the reading in karlsruhe back in april,

but that was sold out right away.

one of my girls at the office said she got tickets for ludwigsburg

so we decided to go together.

and it was all worth the while.

and other good news was all the little omondieu! stirrings.

a wonderful email from ruth in munich

and a wonderful phone call from regine.

one of her customer's bought a hüftgold shirt,

and as the saying goes,

she told a friend who told a friend who told a friend...

and now there's another store asking for the shirts,

with a whole order for the hüftgold

and asking which other shirts there are to be had

alongside the secret garden rings.

i can put a nice order together right away.

i can't believe what it is about this shirt.

hüftgold.

but i think that it's wonderful,

that so many women are having fun with that word,

and with that statement.

and yes, it makes me giggle. it makes me smile.

i just have to find and make the time

to put the rest of it together again.

but these next days

and these next weeks,

time is going to be a rarity.

but such is life. c'est la vie.

and we'll figure it out somehow.

isn't that the magic of things,

how everything always does

simply fall into place?

(also one of those things

that long telephone conversations were all about...

because damn there's been some magic happening these days.)

but for now,

i think i just have to get myself off to bed.

up early in the morning

first for breakfast with isabelle

then off to the salon for a photo session with her girls

and then a photo session for a project

with a few of her clients as well.

and it's been a while since i've done assignments like that

but i'm excited about it. hoping i can capture it,

capture and ignite the beauty in each and every one.

and then depending on how time will go,

i'll see if i can make it out to patti's.

coffee with patti. i miss my coffees with patti.

and sunday evening is dinner with gwen.

her birthday dinner. and just the two of us.

i know she won't read this until maybe later,

so i can say it now.

but all that this wonderful girl is getting,

is a good bottle of wine,

some sundried tomatoes,

and an array of lemon pepper, truffel and barolo tagliatelle

that i picked up at the market.

i've added a sprig of rosemary and oregano from the garden.

and packed it in a picnic box.

and that's just what this gift is supposed to say,

the promise of a spring weekend in italy.

just a short trip. a small trip.

lago di como this time. or maybe lago maggiore again.

gwen and i like to do that. just every now and then.

and of course,

come spring, i'll need another white oleander. and an olive tree.

and those are the things,

that i like to always bring back with me.

it's the little stories that can be told.

and as we know,

everything has its story. everything has its reason.

and it's also these stories, these reasons,

that gwen too, always understands.

and in her stride, takes as a part of me.

happy birthday my dear girl.

and thank you for always being there.

for being a part of me.

but for now,

this little girl has got to find her way to bed.

i think that today,

it was simply about that. it was simply about promises.

those that we speak. and those that we keep.

and those that live in hope...

love life. passionately...

2008-11-26T14:56:00.000-08:00

love life. passionately. out loud. and in colour.

dare. to be bold. cause magic. share s ecrets.

la di da di da.

i've done it. i've really really done.

and yes. just a wee bit proud of myself too.

omondieu! is now officially back. and on. line.

there's still a lot of work to be done.

of words written. and photographs taken.

but this is what it's about

starting. again.

and doing it. simply doing it.

i'm still trying to figure out a technicality or two.

not really my greatest forte.

me. and technical things.

i honestly think,

i must have skipped school on that particular day.

ooops.

but i did it. i really really did it.

and all on my sweet sweet own.

but also with friends

that have pushed me along the way.

and walked with me along the way.

blowing you a kiss.

love. hugs. ange.

omondieu!

tracing hearts... with fingertips.

2008-11-24T13:52:00.000-08:00

waking up on a sunday morning

to snow falling outside the window

while the hearth is still warm

from the fire of the night before.

and going for a walk

on a freshly fallen white blanket.

tracing hearts... with fingertips.

that was yesterday. the sweet of sunday yesterday.

and i guess that's what the storm and the north wind

of the night before was whispering.

snow. she was whispering and promising snow.

i had pup with me on the weekend. my lenny. bo benny.

apparently he was doing a bit better thru the week,

but still not back to his usual playful self.

still not wanting to go for his walks,

and still not wanting to eat.

and on friday when they called me,

they said he hadn't left the car all day.

just laid there. inside.

so i drove out right away after work,

and as soon as i pulled up in the driveway

and walked to the gate,

pup jumped out of the car and came running straight for me.

i stepped in to talk with them, and lenny kept walking to the door,

almost as though to say,

"come on. let's go. let's go now. what is it you're waiting for..."

and then we drove home.

i love that feeling of coming home with him.

or the feeling of coming home to him.

the cuddles. the greetings. lenny hugs as i always call them.

and i know this knows sounds harsh,

but after klaus passed away,

there was a time that i was so angry,

i was angry that he left. that he left us behind.

and not just me. but lenny too.

and maybe angry is the wrong word, too hard and bitter a word.

i think maybe it was more the hurt.

and more the loss.

because i felt like i was losing both.

and without being given a choice.

and the last thing i wanted to do

was to have to give lenny away.

but i loved the pup too much to be a selfish soul.

it wasn't going to be fair to him,

with the hours the work, and i'm the time i'm away.

and to leave him on his own.

that's not why you bring something into your life,

or take something on into your life.

and i honestly think i prayed each and every night,

trying to imagine and envision the perfect solution.

that if i had to give him away, it wouldn't have to be to strangers,

rather a place that i knew he would be good to them

and just as they would be good to him.

and a place that i knew

i could see him when i needed him.

or he needed me.

just to go for a walk. just to go for a talk.

and when it seemed as though there was hardly an answer in sight,

it was achim that called.

and i'll never forget when he said,

"i've got it, ange. i've got the answer.

let me figure this out and i'll get back to you.

i think i've got the answer..."

and he kept his word.

just as he always does.

just as achim always does.

and ironically,

klaus was the name of lenny's new home as well.

and that's the way it's been this past year and some.

i get to see my beau, my pup

just every now and then.

i think i always had the fear,

that he'd forget with time

or that it just wouldn't be the same.

but my heart still always melts

when i realise how wrong i was.

because whenever they bring him to me

or i go to pick him up

and it's almost as though he says

"what took you so long this time... i've been waiting..."

and he's all mine. he's all mine again.

we had a wonderful and quiet weekend.

i got my work done.

and there were lenny cuddles galore.

there were walks along the running creek

although we had to go easy. although we had to go slow.

and sunday was waking up

with snow falling outside.

and as soon as he caught me stirring,

he was nudging and poking

ready to head out.

to discover the world. to play to with the world.

i grabbed my cup of coffee

threw on my coat, a scarf, a pair of gloves. and my hat.

there's always something about a woman, when she gets to wear a hat.

and off we went. into the first and gentle snow.

the rest of the day had me finally doing

what has been long meant to be in the doing.

and with pup at my feet

having a lazy sunday snooze,

a fire burning and a cup of tea

i finally started working on my website.

and to be honest,

i hadn't a clue what i was doing.

susan has long been offering her help,

and just like lenny,

doing her nudge. and doing her poke.

but for whatever reason,

there were these obstacles. inner and outer obstacles.

something that's been holding back. holding me down.

too long a story to get into right now.

but suddenly,

instead of looking at what i no longer had,

what i had lost along the way.

i just finally decided to start again. to do this again.

and how silly have i been.

because even with all the support and love that's been endlessly given,

and i was just too stubborn to see. or even to receive.

and be it susan. or be it christoph.

(because you brought it all back into my hands.

thank you for that. thank you.)

and even thru some of the ugly legal shite that came with the game.

i think maybe i just needed my time.

klaus used to always take care of all the technical things.

we worked well as a designing team. we simply worked well.

i would blueprint. and he'd put what i saw into motion.

but everytime there was a technical issue,

it was just too easy to call his name.

and often since, i've actually found myself,

challenged myself.

and figuring out a thing or two.

how do i install this. or how do i install that.

or what was the fecking password you used?

it's almost eerie, thinking back.

but i'll never forget one of the last times he was here,

he set something up with the phone and the internet,

and wrote something down and said,

"just in case anything happens. keep this. you'll need this."

and it's the last piece of paper i have,

written with his hand.

i smiled at him that night and said,

"my dear. if anything ever happens. that's when i call you."

sometimes i wonder if he already knew...

and you know what.

i often do. i often call him. and ask for help.

and there's been these amazing wonders

of the way he does.

klaus was seventeen years of my life.

and we might not have made it as lovers or as partners in crime.

but with time and at the end of the day,

we made it as friends. the truest and most honest of friends.

but anyhow, fact is,

the one thing that i never imagined i'd do

is put a website together.

and that i could do it on my own.

and i don't want to pat myself on my shoulder,

but i'm going to say it. and i'm going to say it out loud.

damn i'm proud of myself.

of me, myself and i.

and maybe that drop dead beautiful man he was

is sitting up there,

smiling and smirking away. the way he always did...

and maybe just a wee little bit proud of me too.

you know, i still see that smile. that smirk.

every now and then.

it still all needs a day or two

until i get it online.

and by far it's no masterpiece.

rather simply me, starting back from zero,

and starting back from scratch.

there are still photos that need to be taken.

and words that need to be written.

and learning (always learning) what to do.

but it's a work in progress.

and it'll grow from here.

and i'll say it again. i'll simply say it again.

femme heureuse.

never underestimate the power of what of you hold inside.

and always be patient with yourself.

always be kind with yourself.

femme heureuse.

oh. there's so much more i wanted to talk about.

politics that are on my mind

and politics that make me want to speak my mind.

and i still have yet to tell the paris stories

the stories that i call "this lost and found".

of the eiffel tower. of paris. of a lion. and a ring.

a wedding ring.

but we'll just have to save that all

for another day.

because right now,

maybe it's just all about tracing hearts

with fingertips...

in november snow.

this language of the heart...

2008-11-20T15:38:00.000-08:00

rain. on these streets. and thru these windows.

of a café. in paris.

brian andreas once said,

"I carry you with me into the world,

into the smell of rain and the words that dance between people.

And for me, it will always be this way,

walking in the light,

remembering being alive together."

and i find those to be beautiful words.

-----------

there's a storm tossing and turning outside right now.

and she feels a bit restless

in her glorious way.

and i'm going to listen to her,

thru these windows and with the still of night

as i lay myself down.

trying to hear what it is she wants to say.

just like this heart.

just like this heart.

-----------

what is it that your heart wanted to say today?

what is it that made your heart smile.

ever so quietly smile...?

the warmth of a cold november night.

2008-11-17T13:18:00.000-08:00

and again.

going thru older photographs.
london. café rouge sessions.

monday night.

and it's cold and chilly tonight.

i came home from work a bit late, again,

threw on my most comfy " i never want to part with you" sweats,

went thru my ritual of lighting the candles,

and decided tonight wanted a fire being lit as well.

i want warmth tonight.

and blankets wrapped around me.

the day left me feeling good, content.

maybe a bit tired,

but feeling good. and wanting warmth.

it was yet another good day. of work.

of a walk thru the autumn woods at lunch

just to step away and step outside.

and it was a day of people that put smiles on my face,

with just the simplicity of a phone call,

and of a voice i always love to hear.

herr sievert. the charming and schöne herr sievert.

and isabelle called as well,

saying she found the sweater that we saw on saturday.

and i wanted the sweater, i really did,

but i reckoned it needed to be just a size bigger,

which the store didn't have of course,

and with isabelle trying to convince me otherwise.

but i reckoned i'd try to get myself to karlsruhe this week,

to see if maybe they had it there.

so when she told me that found it, i let out a little shriek of giddiness

until she told me,

no, she bought me the same size because it suited me just fine.

silly girl.

but god i love her.

she already spoilt me on saturday

giving me a christian audigier shirt.

she said saw it and knew it had to be mine.

it was the crown and the angel wings,

and a god save the queen.

yes, i said it already. and i'll say it again.

silly girl. silly girl.

smiles...

and wanting more warmth,

it's november nights like this, that call for a soup.

homemade. fresh. lovely soup.

i still had some hokkaido from the weekend

and a few shrimps as well.

i wasn't sure if it was going to taste together,

but it did.

pumpkin soup. with shrimps.

i don't know what it is about soup.

the symbolism of it.

it is a food of the heart. and the hearth.

there's something motherly about it. something nuturing.

and yes, it's these autumn come winter days

that i can come home

and make myself a soup.

and while letting things simmer on the stove,

i was keeping my eye on my auction,

and my deer antlers that i oh so want.

but it didn't work out.

i set my limit. and admitted defeat.

and even though it was the most perfect crown,

and reflected the most perfect pride and majestic glory,

i was something i couldn't do at that high a price.

and i suppose,

that's just the way it is in life as well with so many things.

no matter how much you want, no matter how much you yearn,

there's the moment when you graciously take a bow,

and step away.

and sometimes,

i think that takes more strength than it does weakness.

so again,

i'm comforting myself,

saying this wasn't the one.

and with a bit of patience, and with a little bit of time,

i know it will be.

i'll have my deer antlers yet.

what was the weekend about?

saturday was about heading down to the salon in the morning,

dropping off bits and pieces of the mink & pearls collection,

and the goldzauber shirt collection as well.

at least i think that's what i'm going to call it.

i haven't yet decided.

the shirts are about women and their glory,

and all these playful and wonderful things we are.

it's about feminity and the voluptious of curves.

it's about love. the love we give

but also the love for ourselves

(need we never forget. need we never forget.)

it's about loving life and being bold.

and the statements of the shirts

are written in gold.

in german. in english. and in french.

i introduced a few in the last catalogue with work,

but a part of this line still needs to be separate

with an identity of it's own

and that part of omondieu!

so after i finished off there and strolled thru the saturday market,

i picked up isabelle and timmy

and off to freiburg we were.

just walked around,

spending a lovely day.

and meeting up with maureen in her shop

for a coffee

and to pick up the janete zamboni pieces

that i've long been waiting for.

and after grabbing more coffee and a quick bite to eat

in one of my favourite cafés in freiburg.

the aran cafe.

we decided to head home a bit later in the afternoon

stopping off to get our groceries

and then deciding we just might as well do dinner together too.

i love cooking with friends.

you learn. you teach. enjoy a glass of wine.

it's the talks while you cook.

or even conversations when you don't even need to say a word,

and it's the laughs or even the little mishaps that become more laughs.

so we just did ourselves a bit of thai.

chicken and carrots and sweet peas with curry and ginger and rice.

and again. i didn't get home until late.

sunday was a day i just wanted and needed to spend with myself.

things have been so busy lately. a constant come and go.

with work. with life.

and i just needed home day. and i just needed quiet day.

to sort thru thoughts. of the mind. and of the heart.

there's someone i really miss these days.

and that i can't help

but think of him every now again and so often.

and if i only knew,

that he's thinking of me too.

maybe just every once in a while.

i spent a bit of the morning in the garden

with a cup of coffee.

kind of taking a close look at the things i had planted,

the things i sowed, the things that bloomed and blossomed.

and wondering what it'll bring with spring.

and then i spent a part of the morning

cleaning house. and purging.

going thru this and that.

i need that too every now and then.

kind of like a feng shui of the soul.

and i drank tea. and sorted thru compliations of magazines.

i listened to old cds. norah and natalie and diana too.

and put an afternoon fire

while finally curling up with a book to read.

and late afternoon,

my lenny bo benny came by for a visit.

he had me a bit worried as i had a call last week

saying he wasn't doing too well.

he wasn't eating. he wasn't walking.

on friday they told me he was a bit better

but on medication.

and i did want to see him, but we reckoned it might be better to wait

and see how things go.

and i wanted to head down to visit on sunday evening,

but then they called saying they were on their way.

and as soon as the pup realised where he was,

there was no stopping him.

he was back to his old self.

he wasn't limping, he didn't seem to feel any pain.

he was full of cuddles and couldn't wait to go for a walk.

and they were in a state of disbelief,

saying he hadn't been like that for over a week.

god. i miss my pup. i really miss my pup.

i might be driving to munich this coming weekend,

but i'm really thinking of staying here

and having pup with me instead.

i think it would do the both of us good.

and i don't think there'll be a weekend i can spend with him otherwise

before i fly home for the holidays.

anyhow,

it's already late

and i just started the bath water running.

a midnight bath.

i just want to slip inside

and feel a bit more warmth,

feel the water. and the quiet.

and the softness of light.

and then i want to take that with me into the night.

the warmth of a cold november night.

i hope this warmth finds you too...

Public Passages.

2008-11-14T22:58:00.000-08:00

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Proverbs 7:17-18

i had read these words once,

written them down.

and i just felt the need to read them again,

and write them down again.

maybe it's a just a little reminder.

of life and her magical ways...

2008-11-13T13:13:00.000-08:00

a return to innocence...

"Meeting you was fate,

becoming your friend was a choice,

but falling in love with you

I had no control over..."

- Mary Oliver -

thursday night

and there's a beautiful full moon.

went for a walk when i got home,

a late night walk.

just to gaze, just to take a deep breath,

of the chilly november air.

and just to talk

to her. this moon.

la lune.

and we had another good day at work.

and there are days, it simply amazes me

to see the way we're growing,

the impact we're gaining,

the position we're taking.

simply the way things are unfolding.

and we still have such a long way to go,

to where we want to be,

but that's all a part of the journey.

and there are so many visions right now,

each day bringing new ideas, possibilites,

and that itself is so inspiring.

and some of it we can steer ourselves,

but so much of it evolves on its own.

i had a good conversation about that with my boss today.

he had a brilliant idea and then we just spun it a bit from there.

and even with this too,

i already look back in retrospect and realise

that this chance, this challenge,

this too was all a part of the masterplan.

little wishes and dreams i had long ago.

so strange how life,

with all her detours and traffic jams

still brings you there. keeps you on that map.

and although i'm so far behind on projects, on schedules

and i don't know when or how i'm to do it all,

but there's a calm inside of me

and i just know it's all going to be fine. just perfectly fine.

and i'm so happy with my team.

they have to put up with a lot working with me,

but damn they do a good job of it.

i don't think i'm really your conventional boss.

yes, i usually do a lot of things unconventionally.

and needless say,

as much as i can play with the figures and statistics,

i run my business and my company on emotion

and with instinct.

the emotion and instinct that comes from deep within.

and i like to think

that is what will make the difference at the end of the day.

but on days like today,

i like the way we can smile and laugh together,

the way we reach our goals together.

i start off every morning

after i get my cup of coffee

and ask them what they want with the day...

it's almost like it's a game we play.

but i just want them to manifest their goals,

to speak it out, and say it out loud,

as though we carve it into a stone.

i see us as a little family too.

and that's something else we did today.

we officially created a family.

and one day, i want this to be a big family.

with the good that we can do and we can share.

i've always believed that to receive, you have to learn to give first.

and so many times, we kind of forget to be thankful and grateful

for all the things around us.

and although the company is still growing

and we too are just in our children steps,

i want to make whatever difference we can.

personally. and professionally.

so we've been looking into adopting and sponsoring a child

that we hope will grow with us.

even if it's just a small symbolic way.

and with each year, i want this family to grow.

it's one of the other goals i've made.

it was also important to me,

that we find an organisation that is sincere,

and that the money, the sponsorship

goes right to the core and right to the reason.

so we've researched and looked at this and looked at that

initially i was hoping to adopt and sponsor a child in asia.

maybe cambodia or vietnam.

but today we picked el salvador. a little girl in el salvador.

and i just hope we can make a difference

and bring her some good

and watch her grow.

la lune. la lune...

2008-11-11T13:27:00.000-08:00

peggy's cove.

as her waves lull you. invite you.

almost as though they say...

whisper a dream. whisper a dream.

tuesday night and reflecting back on the past days.

a constant come and go.

of a whirling dance and a whirling wind.

can please explain to me, how it is

that we're here and now already in november?

sometimes i feel like it should still be september

as i ask myself where days go by.

the weekend itself was a sweet busy.

it was about friends. again.

it was about the girls.

friday night and full house here.

saturday morning up early for a business meeting.

it means big changes and big challenges

for all those involved.

and again, it's one of those situations and oppurtunities

that makes me reflect and retrack the steps

that lead it all to this.

yes. again. it makes me believe that everything

happens for a reason and a cause.

like a little destiny. a map that's been laid out.

but you simply only see that path you've walked,

understand it's little stops and detours,

after you throw a glance back over your shoulder

in retrospect.

there's almost an irony in it all.

my boss and i haven't really spoken about it out loud,

but i think on saturday we both had a moment

that we simply both quietly thought...

who would have imagined two years ago,

when this mission and this vision started,

we'd find ourselves right here and now.

one of those thoughts of never in a life time,

one of those thoughts that would have never crossed your mind.

we both did agree however,

that if this does all fall into place,

it's like a little revolution

and a door opening, into a whole new world.

and yes. although it is a habit of mine to talk in riddles,

and between the lines.

this is something that has to remain just that.

but in my own little way,

i like to think that this also has a bit to do with klaus.

an unknowing gift that he left behind.

and in a way, somehow i like to think it's him sitting up there,

looking down,

being his mischievious self. smirking and smiling.

and just taking care of things.

and sometimes i wonder what else he's got up his sleeve.

so i got home on saturday and took care of a few things around the house,

and then got myself back into the car to elisabeth.

and setting priorities straight,

it was in the door and into pyjamas.

girls night. elisabeth. kyra. and me.

dinner was on the living room floor,

sprawled out between us and in between a bottle of two of wine,

i was cutting out patterns for elisabeth,

and she was diligently sewing.

and i think kyra was simply thinking of all the strange and silly things

that mom and i were talking about.

but she's used to those talks and conversations by now.

smiles. yes. it's about being all girl. being all woman.

god. we have wild and wonderful conversations.

then welcome sunday

and having breakfast and quickly laying out and designing

elisabeth's new business cards and postcards.

and as usual, i was running late

as petra was on her way over at eleven.

ooops.

i literally stayed in my pyjamas, threw on the trench coat

and thought to hell with it.

raced home just to get a text message from petra that she slept in too.

i was running late. she was running late.

the perfect partners in crime we are.

and then the two of us just had a wonderfully sweet sunday.

coffees on the kitchen table

and then heading into town to grab a bit to eat

and more coffee again.

sitting at garibaldi's and then off to the trinkhalle

until we were back home again

and it was sunday night.

monday came and went.

a busy day. a good day. an unexpected day.

late home at night day.

today was a bit the same.

a constant go at the office

but a good energy of go at the office.

left a bit early to bring the car to the garage.

yup. the mini started doing a few strange things on me.

as in, she didn't want to take the curve

when i wanted to take the curve.

it was as though we were playing a game of tug of war.

and damn the both of us were stubborn.

i pulled her off to the side. turned her engine off and started her again.

and things were fine.

but as i mentioned it back at work

the boss reckoned it would be better just to take a look

and bring her into the garage.

so that meant leaving her behind

and getting a brand spanking new car for the night.

okay. just a rental. and a beamer to boot.

and although i can't really say it's one of those cars i'd pick myself

it's always definitely a nice car to drive.

and not necessarily good when yet another speeding ticket

is one of those things not allowed at the moment.

and andrea and i wanted to meet up for a coffee after work

so again, as usual, guess who was running late.

i'm absolutely lost driving in pforzheim.

and prolly the reason i can't leave without my gps.

of course, the car of the day was without a navigation.

so i thought it was rather sweet,

when the receptionist heard that i was asking for directions,

and offered to drive ahead of me to show me the way.

i was wearing one of my rings today

and she was all smitten about that when i first walked in the door,

so i think as a small thank you,

i'll give bring a ring for her tomorrow.

just as a little gift. and a little thank you.

for going out of her way.

and coffee and talks with andrea were wonderful.

it's almost as though our whole lives are running on a parallel.

and we both always have too much to say.

sometimes i think that it's like

we're both holding a mirror up to one another

and we see ourselves.

i've only just met her thru work,

and i select most of my collections for the catalogue from her company,

but from the first meeting on,

we knew we were meant to meet.

again, it's sweet how these things happen.

and i'll say it again and again and again.

but yes, all things happen for a reason.

each and every encounter. each and every path crossed.

it's all within reason.

so next week. it's coffee again.

so now i'm on my way off to bed.

just needed to sit down and write.

hold on to the past few days.

and yet, there's still that one story i need to share

and need to tell.

the paris stories... the lost and found.

and whatever story that story needs to hold within.

for me.

and tomorrow,

i'm back on an auction mission.

i've had it on my mind for much too long

that i want a deer and her antlers

on these walls.

maybe for some, a bit morbid in its way,

but for me its the symbolism

the reflection of something majestic, graceful

and full of pride.

strong, vulnerable, and maybe at times naive

but with all her dignity.

her feet were always firm on the ground,

but her head, still always held high.

and all of that is said with her crown

and even after she's gone. its still what's left.

simply saying she was there. and she was here.

and i've watched this auction. and i've watched that.

but tomorrow is the one i want.

because once again, there's this little voice saying...

this is the one. this is the one.

almost as though it's whispering.

and it's simply something you feel. simply something you know.

(just the same as with all those other little things in life...)

so this is me saying good night...

and just letting you know

there's a most beautiful moon out there tonight.

glowing.

abundant and voluptious

in all her mysterious ways.

la lune. la lune...

just thinking about home...

2008-11-10T15:39:00.000-08:00

remembering train stations.

and these places of comings. and of goings.

and of older photographs. once taken.

just a quick note at the end of the day,

instead of writing the little notes of things i wanted to say...

but i finally booked my flight home today. for the holidays.

and my god it's been a long while.

three years of a long while.

and if i look back at how and where things were then,

it's like a lifetime has changed.

and yes. it feels good. already.

just thinking about home.

oh happy happy me.

if it was meant to be...

2008-11-07T16:39:00.000-08:00

nina.

from a series simply called
the hotel room stories.

the girls just left

after a wonderful night of talks upon talks

and stories upon stories.

with laughs upon laughs.

and i'm just finishing off a last glass of wine

before i say good night myself.

because in just a few hours, it's time to start a new day again.

early. saturday. morning.

and today was another good day.

i managed to leave the office a bit early

only to get stuck in a bit of a traffic jam.

and instead of cursing or getting in a fret,

i simply put in a good cd and thought to myself

this is just the way it's meant to be...

i like those moments when you can turn the music up just a bit louder,

and sing just a bit out of key

and it doesn't even matter if the person stuck in the car beside you

has a quirky smile on their face

while prolly questioning your sanity at that given moment of time.

so i just smiled back, shrugged my shoulder and carried on

all the more out of key.

i was going to drive over to france to get what i needed for dinner

i like to do that every now and then.

but thanks to the slight interuption of stau on the autobahn,

i stuck to my side of the map instead

and picked up everything in the store across the street.

yes, i also stuck with the idea

of steamed artichokes and a vinagrette as the entrée

and then mussels. mussels. mussels. white wine mussels.

but the other sweet joy,

was coming home and seeing that i won my auction on ebay.

i placed my bid this morning as i left the house

just to be sure i didn't miss it again.

i've been trying for the past week

to get a lovely copy, an older edition book or script of tristan and isolde.

not just for myself

but as a gift for someone that's been such an inspiration to me.

a woman that i've so long looked up to and admired from a distance.

for her work. her creations. her visions. her success,

and i never dared to believe, our paths would cross as they have.

(another story i had wanted to share,

but again, to be saved for another day of one day).

and i didn't want it to be just any edition, or any old book,

rather one that i knew "this is the one.... this is just the right one."

yes. those moments when you simply know.

and tristan and isolde has always been a story

that captured me. fascinated me.

set me off to little dreams

of walks on maps of places i've been. and places i've longed to be.

and the other day, as i was leaving from a meeting with this woman,

working on a project with her,

i left with such a surge in me, and such an energy.

that i can't really explain.

but i felt she had just given me so much...

inspiration. and confirmation.

and yet there she was, telling me i had done the same.

her work and her collections are always based on stories.

they hold little tales. and symbolisms.

she manages to create what i sometimes wish

i could create and i could share.

and that's when i realised, maybe i can do it.

just in a different way.

and as i stepped out,

suddenly it was the story of tristan and isolde i saw before me again.

it was a vision, a geistesblitz and a trait d'esprit.

and it was just a thought that kind of held on to me.

and then i thought, if anyone could capture it,

create it in a new story, a beautiful story,

then franziska it could be.

and then i simply thought it's something i need to do silently,

share the inspiration silently.

and in between the lines.

by simply giving a gift.

and it was a very clear thought.

and something i knew i want to do

just as much as i need to do.

i missed out on the first auction of what i had found.

"this is the one... i know this is the one".

and for a moment, it left me a bit devasted.

i'll admit that in all true honesty.

but then i reminded myself,

if it was meant to be

it will be.

and i made a wish.

a wish that came from the deepest of the heart wish.

needless to say, the auction was placed again.

so i waited and marked today in my calender.

and although i usually don't place my bid or say my word

until the last moment appears,

this morning i left with the knowing and the belief,

and i said to myself again and again,

if it was meant to be

it will be.

and so it was.

you know, sometimes i truely believe...

that's all you have to do.

is simply that. simply to believe.

and now there's another book and edition i found.

i like to think that this one will be a gift to myself.

an edition of tristan and isolde in french.

a language i don't speak.

but a language i feel.

it's an edition with the most lovely illustrations.

and sometimes yes, i also think it's good to give a gift to self as well,

just as it is, to be a gift to the self.

because if it was meant to be

it will be....

these are the days...

2008-11-07T01:32:00.000-08:00

going thru older photographs. again.

and simply observing. observations.

london. café rouge sessions.

hello. again.

i came home with all intentions of writing.

to tell a bit of this. and to tell a bit of that.

"kleine erzählungen" is what i'd call it in german.

silent conversations about the little things...

or telling a little story i brought back from paris.

a story we'll simply call lost and found.

but we'll save that story for later,

when i find a more than just a quiet moment to write.

and to reflect.

simply because it's a story i want keep

and although maybe nothing,

i like to think there's something written between its lines.

yes. i always look for the magic in things

and the little hidden secrets.

but i just got home and it's later than i thought it would be.

this whole week has been like such.

last night was a bit of thai for dinner with regine

and then an evening of omondieu!

putting a small collection together for her store

and planning a "secret garden" event again.

then tonight olga invited me out to a small premiere of

"Das Fräulein von Scuderi" by Ernst Theodor Amadeus Hoffmann

also known as "Mademoiselle de Scuderi".

and i just found rather fitting with its coincidence

of recent happenings and becomings, and simply of recent parallels.

no, not of murder and of scenes of corpus deliciti... smiles.

but of paris and of bijou. or simply the name "fräulein" in itself

(as one of my new collections is named something similiar.

but again, we'll save telling that for later too.)

so tonight it was like a story within a story. all in its own special way.

but it's the scenario of this theater that i love so much.

tonight was simply a small and intimate premiere

in the spiegelfoyer...

which could simply be called the mirrored foyer.

and afterwards, we went for a glass of wine

and then for a midnight walk

up thru the hills overlooking the city and the lights,

taking the long way back to our cars,

and crunching our way thru autumn's fallen leaves in the dark.

talking. simply talking.

it was a lovely night needless to say.

and i don't even know what i'm still doing up at this hour

when tomorrow needs an early start

and promising to be a long fulfilling day of work

and i have a few of the girls coming over for dinner.

and i still haven't yet a clue what the menu is going to be.

maybe it'll be a steamed bouquet of artichokes

and then a big pot of mussels. fresh fresh mussels.

and wine. yes. plenty of wine.

needless to say the house needs a quick tidy up too.

but these are the days...

but i'm feeling wide awake right now.

that's what happens when there's an vibrant energy in the air,

and there's so many ideas and inspirations

that dance around in thought.

all these things that are happening

and all these things waiting to happen.

to simply fall into place.

it's coming back to life

with small steps that lead to the next step.

i think i simply needed that rest in between.

it was like a cradling. nurturing and unravelling.

after all the things that had been

over the past few chapters of the past year and some.

but now i need and want that power and magic again.

it was almost as though i had forgotten

it was still within me all the while.

and i can't say how grateful and thankful i am for my friends

that are pushing me forward

and reminding me...

constantly reminding me.

so maybe that's just what i needed to say tonight...

just a small and whispered thank you.

for friends. and for being there.

in the quiet times. and the chaotic times.

and even in the far distance of times...

but always in the close at heart of times.

and yes. these are the days...

when i simply feel i need and want to say

thank you.

femme heureuse.

2008-10-28T14:06:00.000-07:00

café stories.

and random stories...

of when secrets are told.

and secrets are heard.

photo taken in café rouge. london.

once. a while ago.

i'm off to paris in the morning.

and i'm already smiling when i simply think about it.

my suitcase isn't yet packed,

but that's okay.

it's a habit i have to save that for the last minute,

and then to fret if i forgotten this, or forgotten that.

it's just a short trip of wednesday and thursday.

business. work.

but you can be damned and assured,

i'll savour and adore each and every moment.

i don't have my meeting until the afternoon.

place vendôme.

so i'll spend the early part of the day,

wandering thru the streets,

absorbing, watching, listening

and letting it all be inspiration.

it leaves a smile on my face already.

and i remember the first time that i ever went to paris,

the first time that i ever walked thru the square of place vendôme,

it left me with a curiousity of the people

that pass there with their day to day lives..

the stories they have. their comings. their goings.

i stood in the middle of the square

simply wondering.

and if you would have told me that years later,

i'd be walking thru that square myself,

on my way to a business meeting,

i don't think i could have seen it. nor believed it.

the past days have been good.

it's like there's an energy in the air.

i find myself pondering over so many things,

and yet i find it hard to spill the words,

form and shape them in a written conversation.

so many things are happening.

like a reinstatement of faith and of the self.

and manifestations that reveal themselves.

and each and every day,

there's an eagerness and an anticipation

just to see what's around the next corner.

but there's also a calm and a quiet

that reminds me to just be still,

to take a moment

to feel,

and to take a deep breath.

there's something that is reminding me

to keep the faith

and simply believe.

and i'm learning patience...

and that's a big thing for the girl in me.

and that's a big thing for the woman in me.

and i find myself saying the words again and again...

une femme heureuse.

une femme heureuse.

hello saturday...

2008-10-25T00:08:00.000-07:00

more eclipses of patti.

and the saturday sessions

stories of feminity.

and all the glorious secrets we women are.

hello saturday.

as i take a slow start into the day.

still here at the kitchen table with my cup of coffee.

writing a list with the things to do for today.

like going to get bricks and wooden planks

because i want to play tonight and make my shelves

for behind my bed.

and it has to be a simple solution. not requiring constructive talent.

and then going to the office to get some work done

with maybe a quick stop at ikea after.

because if i want to make the shelves tonight,

a bit of light might not be such a bad idea.

is this when i admit, that after almost over a year of living here

i still haven't lamps in the bedroom

aside from my bedside table lamps?

nor have i lamps in any room of the house.

confessions.

but that's okay. there's a white chandelier coming soon.

and i know just what it's to look like.

and all i have to do is find it.

but it's as though i can see it already.

sometimes, life is about just that.

waiting for that magical moment when you know

this is the one. this is the thing. and it wants to belong.

this is just as its supposed to be.

and i like it when belongings have their own little stories.

about where they were found. how they were found.

and sometimes they simply need their secrets too.

there's still so many things i need here in the house.

little things. big things.

but i've been letting myself find them as i go along.

or letting them find me...

letting them speak to me and give me that feeling of

yes, this is it.

so i'd rather take my time

like a little journey that unfolds.

yes, it's all still in the making.

a home might only be of brick and mortar,

but it's what's inside the home that becomes the heart.

i remember when i first moved here last year.

as i left the house in meissenheim,

i stood outside the parked van with all my belongings

and it felt like just an empty van.

i made that clear decision to make a new start. a new beginning.

and i took a few of my personal things.

tea cups and candle holders.

photographs and books.

an old chair and an old chest.

i took my clothes and diaries.

and an old picnic basket.

and a few things more.

but all the things that might be what most call the essentials

i left behind.

and i remember standing there thinking,

i'm thirty six and is this all i have to call my own?

there was an emotion that over came me,

there was the doubt, and then there was the anticipation

then i realised, it was the decision to call this my own.

closing a chapter. starting a new chapter.

letting go. opening up.

but im sitting here this morning and looking around me.

and i smile.

here on my old kitchen table,

i see my old baroque mirror, a photograph of a coffee cup

and then i'm back to that moment in paris.

i see my porcellaine bowls

that have the words desire and courage written on them.

i see the vintage glasses i brought back from ireland,

and they shine a beautiful light with candles at night.

i see my orchids and a new purse hanging on my staircase rail.

i see the fruitbowl that wants to be filled..

it's the little things i see.

and yes, it's the little things that make me smile.

these little things we find on our journey.

but for today, the journey is to the hardware store,

to buy bricks and wooden planks.

because sometimes you need that too.

hello saturday.

these little wonders...

2008-10-23T14:21:00.001-07:00

patti

and an older portrait

from the saturday sessions

taken once upon a time ago.

one of those photos most dear to me.

today is one of those days

simply filled with the things we call

these little wonders.

my mind is racing with stories to share. to tell.

written as though spoken.

but a day like this leaves one tired

and there's a bed and a warm blanket calling my name

under a window of autumn night stars.

today was about manifestations and wishes that come true

in unexpected moments.

and those are always the most beautiful.

it's about a day filled with smiles

and inspiration found around each and every corner.

in people. and occurences.

these little wonders...

they happen on days when you wake up

and you simply feel something is in the air.

and you welcome the day, opening your arms

as though you open your heart

and simply say in a quiet and loud voice,

here i am.

and this morning

i sat where i'm sitting now, at the kitchen table,

writing in the pages of my book

manifesting the day before me.

it's how my day usually starts.

writing lists. writing words.

with a cup of coffee.

and i asked for a day that simply leaves a smile on my lips

as it does on my heart.

i asked for a day that brings wonder and sweet surprises

and a day that confirms and instates faith, hope, belief

that everything is just so as it should be.

and i asked for a day that not only i find the inspiration

but that i could also be inspiration.

i asked for a day that leaves magic like playful shadows.

and that's exactly what today was all about.

maybe i can share more later,

maybe i'll keep it just as whispered fragments

as i so often do

simply written between the lines.

but now as i call the day just that,

i wish that everyone feels the magic in their day

and writes it down on their heart,

each and every day.

i believe that was ralph waldo emerson

that once said something like that.

write it down. write it down.

these little wonders...'

and this grateful and happy heart says

thank you.

ireland. calling.

2008-10-17T10:31:00.000-07:00

just a quick note

as all the words and thoughts i've written as of late

just never really found their way here.

maybe later. in postscript.

but for now

my suitcase is packed

and i'm on my way out the door.

ireland is calling.

even if just for a few days. away from it all.

long walks along the sea with autumn wind.

a coming of the tides

lulling their way in. lulling their way out.

conversations around the kitchen table with the girls

and magical spells cast.

ireland calling.

i'm on my way.

p.s.

i cut my hair.

i guess when a girl does something like that

that means, change is whispering in the air.

where do your heavens start...

2008-09-29T12:08:00.000-07:00

and where do they end?

photo taken once upon a time ago.
somewhere. on a shore in england.

just a song that i'm singing

again and again.

with a touch of sadness. and with a touch of a smile.

and it leaves me happy to at least have been able to say,

this path had crossed

of two people. and two souls. of two bodies.

eine begegnung. that's how i like to hold it.

where do your heavens start...

and where do they end?

so let me whisper

and know that i still hold you like a small hope in my heart.

maybe i should translate the words.

but for now, i'll share them as their written and sung.

Zu meinem Engel gebetet, für kein anderes Mädchen gedacht.

Tausend Stunden gewartet, hat alles nichts gebracht.

Zwanzig Briefe geschrieben, bis einer gut genug war für dich.

Hallo wie gehts dir? Denkst du manchmal an mich? -- Manchmal

Wie sieht der Himmel aus, der jetz' über dir steht?

Dort wo die Sonne, im Sommer nicht untergeht.

Wo fängt dein Himmel an, und wo hört er auf?

Wenn er weit genug reicht macht dann das Meer,

zwischen uns nichts mehr aus?

Du fehlst mir, oh du fehlst mir...

Alle Uhren auf Anfang, ich kann nich' mehr sehn.

Seit ich dich getroffen hab, bleibt mein Herz manchmal stehn. -- Manchmal

Wie sieht der Himmel aus, der jetz' über dir steht?

Dort wo die Sonne, im Sommer nicht untergeht.

Wo fängt dein Himmel an, und wo hört er auf?
Wenn er weit genug reicht macht dann das Meer,

zwischen uns nichts mehr aus?

Du fehlst mir, oh du fehlst mir...

- Philipp Poisel -

au nom de la rose...

2008-08-23T07:39:00.000-07:00

au nom de la rose...

of a lion's heart and a dame de coeur.

i like to think

they could grow beautifully together.

so many things i've been wanting to write these days.

fragments of stories. of thoughts.

chapters.

and yet, the words have just been silently spoken

and not silently written.

but let's just write about what in one way or another

has become this year's love

figuratively speaking.

this was the year of gardening.

of learning. and weeding.

of planting.

and getting hands awfully dirty.

here i am. all of thirty seven.

and its been a year of gardening.

i really haven't a clue as to what i'm doing

but i think that's what it's about.

the learning.

and not just of the process, but learning patience too.

and it's about probably making a lot of mistakes

but doing it my way.

and figuring it out as i go along.

roses and lavender have always been some of my favourite things.

taking me on day dreams to the provence or the tuscany.

it's their glory. it's their scent.

and it's the way they live in cycles. just like a beautiful feminity.

and this year, it started on the veranda.

first there was the white oleander that i brought back from italy in may.

it was almost as though i had made a vow with myself

not to come back

without a white oleander.

and while working my way on the veranda,

a small rose here and a lavender there,

i started to see the garden. in a different light.

i'd pour myself a glass of wine in the evenings,

sit outside on the steps and simply looked and listened

as though trying to know what the garden itself

wanted to become.

and again, all i could see was roses. and lavender.

and this garden patch underneath an old cherry tree

that had become a forest of weeds and such unknown things,

became the summer's venture.

and it became the daily ritual

upon coming home from work

of simply pulling out the weeds,

one by one. bare hands and all.

i think that was part of the process for me too.

and at first, it's almost as though you don't know where to start,

it's almost overwhelming.

but with each step,

the path becomes more clear,

and you start to see things in more detail,

you discover things

and it starts to form. it starts to change.

that's the weeding.

taking things by the hand.

taking things by the root.

and when friends would call in the evening,

the first question started to become a habit of

"are you out in the garden weeding?"

it was almost as though everyone started to take part of this story

and watching it unfold.

and friends started to bring their own little pieces of self for the garden.

lavenders. i believe each and every gift has been lavenders.

and then came the roses.

one by one.

it's almost strange to say,

but it was as though i was a bit timid at first.

or maybe better said,

there was this doubt in me,

i felt i had to learn more, understand more,

before i could embrace the roses.

and then i finally said to myself,

the first rose, i fell in love with because of the name.

and actually, that's a bit of the story behind all of my roses.

it's not just for their bloom, their colour or their fragrance.

it's also because of their name.

something i can't really explain.

the first rose was paris charme. and a luscious pink.

then came miss dior. soft, a hush of creme. and her subtle scent.

dame de coeur was found on an unexpected day.

she was a bit neglected and not really promising to bloom.

but i saw her and it was as though i felt, or maybe i believed,

i could bring her back to her beauty again.

and i think that's when some of the magic was already starting,

it didn't take long and there she was.

vibrant. pink. and almost something sensuous about her.

and with my this morning's coffee,

it was a wonderful awakening, to see the promise of rosebuds again.

it was anais nin that once ever so beautifully said...

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud

was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. "

i think this is what the dame de coeur is reminding me of.

and maybe teaching me as well.

and as the rose garden on the veranda started to grow,

along came the fireball rose.

i think i was fascinated, by her form, as though her figure.

and her lulling and alluring shade of the red.

i think if red were ever to be defined, to be given a single name,

it would be this rose. this fireball.

and then the day came that i discovered the aphrodite.

i saw her at the gardner and amongst all the roses i saw that day,

she was the one.

it was almost as though she was calling me, tempting me.

and yes, i brought her home too.

pastels of pink peach. and voluptious blossoms.

and for some reason, i talk with her a lot.

and i ask for one more bloom as i ask for one more wish.

and the last rose that came into the secret garden,

is called lion's rose.

yet i always seem to call her lion's heart.

and she too stood out in the crowd, amongst all the others.

caught my eye before i had even read her name.

i just spoken with mom on the phone earlier

and then decided to buy a rose for her...

because although she's far away,

i wanted a rose in the garden that would be her rose.

and with her august birthday,

it felt like a gift that i couldn't give her to place in her hand,

but that i could simply give her to place in her heart, and have her here

rather than a thousand miles away.

so that made me smile all the more when discovering this rose's name.

my mom. under the stars a leo.

and hence a lion's heart.

it's these lions' hearts that i tend to hold so close to me.

and they both seem so far away.

and these are my roses. this my summer's love.

and it's been about learning.

and it's been about growing.

it's been about taking the risk to blossom.

and i don't ever want to stop...