reminding the self....

reminding... the self.

once again.

the miracle is you.

oh how i adore this woman...

lovingly known as sark!

how to be really alive!

live juicy. stamp out conformity.

stay in bed all day. dream of gypsy

wagons. find snails making love.

develop an astounding appetite for books.

drink sunsets. draw out your feelings.

amaze yourself. be ridiculous. stop

woryying. now. if not now, then when?

make yes your favourite word. marry

yourself. dry your clothes in the sun.

eat mangoes naked. keep toys in the

bathtub. spin yourself dizzy. hang

upside down. follow a child. celebrate

an old person. send a love letter to your

self. be advanced. try endearing. invent

new ways to love. transform negatives.

delight someone. wear pajamas to a

drive in movie. allow yourself to feel

rich withouth money. be who you truly

are and the money will follow. believe

in everything. you are always on

your way to a miracle.

the miracle is you.

cherry trees...

seeing clearly.

illuminations. of light

the katrin sessions.

today.

i walked thru the garden

and picked my first cherries from the tree.

it felt like that first taste of sweet.

i simply stood there,

reaching out and reaching up...

and what was it that pablo neruda once said?

"i want to do with you

what spring does with cherry trees..."

and i found a smile on my face.

today, it felt like there was magic in the garden.

and magic in the day.

i saw my first rose that came to bloom.

augusta louisa.

with her orange and peach and pink.

and it's just a day or two,

and then my peonies,

will hold their promise too.

i saw the first shades of lavender,

and the shy white purity of my jasmine.

with each and every day,

it feels like its all promising something new.

you know,

life amazes me at times.

simply, the little things...

like a garden in spring.

and cherry trees.'

and what amazed you today?

what made you fall into that glorious wonder of wonder?

capturing light...

glimpses of saturday morning

and the katrin sessions.

capturing light, as it falls thru a window

upon realms of the aura of beauty.

there was much that i wanted to write today.

simply little ramblings of thoughts. happenings.

things that make me smile these days.

and maybe even those things,

that carry themselves heavy on the heart.


but i've come to suddenly notice,

that sunday has almost come to past

and it's leaving me content with just the quiet

and the still of the night.


so instead, i'll simply and quietly share a photograph or two

from the katrin sessions. yesterday.

and i'll slip outside with a glass of wine,

sit on the steps and feel the soft hushed wind and gentle fall of rain,

gaze a little at the skies

and maybe see a star light, star bright,

to make my wish come true tonight.

and i'll open my arms and open my heart to a new day

and a new week.

and hope she's good and wonderful for all of us.

thailand. and back again.

sacred. and mystical.

ancient stories carved

in the pasts of yesterdays and tomorrows.

and this is where we stand now.

just a quick note to say hello.

and i'm home again.


i arrived back from thailand

late last week.

and i still feel as though i'm caught

in the wonderful blur,

of being in two places.

moments along the maps

of here and there.


it was simply a time

to take a deep breath.

inhale and exhale.

and in the same sense,

be absolutely overwhelmed.

with wonder.

with the wonder of colour. and sounds and smells.

or the wonder of contradictions.

cultural contradictions.

the wonder of pulsating streets.

and then the wonder of solitude

watching the morning sun as she rises.

or the wonder of midnight hours

lying under stars with the lull of the sea.

it was about a hand filled with white sea shells

and a heart filled with the momentum of life.


yes. i'm home again...

in the wonderful blur,

of being in two places.

moments along the maps

of here and there.

taking that daring chance...

From 3rd to 17th April 2009,
the artMbassy Gallery in Berlin will be showing the "Best Of"
from the Fashion Photography Contest on Hair,
"New to the Eye", by Sebastian Professional.

Around 130 creative people from across the globe
sent in more than 1.100 photographs.
A selection of the best (about 50 exhibits)
will be on display at the exhibition.
After its premiere in Berlin, the collection will be on tour.
Exhibitions are planned for Frankfurt, Vienna and Zürich.


(excerpts from Sebastian Professional Press Release)

back in december,

isabelle had asked me if i could do a few photographs

for her at the salon.

simply for a project that she has in mind,

showing women and men of different faces, generations,

different colours, different cuts.

the idea was to show personalities

and the beauty that each has in themselves,

while still keeping the story on hair. and style.

it was a good day. it was a wonderful day.

we laughed together. we talked together.

and to be honest,

i believe that for a few of the women, even the men,

it was almost like an unveiling.

as though seeing themselves in a different light

or from a different perspective.

photography is about telling stories,

but in a language that requires no words.

photography is about capturing an essence,

and a moment in time.

it's about documenting. and it's about reflecting.

and maybe it's a cliché,

but it's not just about seeing with the eye,

but also seeing with the heart.

anyhow,

isabelle then came up with the idea,

that we should send in the one or other photograph

for the "new to the eye" competition from sebastian.

i was a bit hesitant.

sebastian has some of the best hair and style photography out there.

avantgarde at its finest.

provocative. evocative.

and although i was pleased with the photographs,

i just didn't think that i could be parred with that.

and i didn't think that i could stand a chance.

but isabelle didn't let easy.

and close to the very last minute,

i sent in two of the photographs taken that day.

so now it's my turn to say...

thank you for being so god damn stubborn with me my dear bella.

and thank you for being a "best of" in my own life...

because we made it!

we're a part of the exhibit. a part of the collection.

we're a part of "new to the eye".

and i like to think that the magic we stirred in those girls,

was the magic they stirred in us.

you see.

it's all about reflecting. reflections.

and taking a chance.

about taking that daring chance...

waiting for spring...

waiting for spring...

as she blossoms.

quietly. slowly.

passionately.

this glorious promise she keeps.

and as she awakes.

and restlessly playfully stirs...

you feel and you see

her open arms. and her open heart.

hello again.

it's a been a while.

a long long while...

but like with a good friend,

you simply start off where you left off.

and it's as though not a day,

not a week nor a month has passed.

or maybe it's like spring.

one day you simply wake up,

and you know she's there.

you might not see her just quite yet,

but you feel her.

and you catch yourself with a smile.

knowing that in her own way,

she was there all along.

------------

sunday. sweet sunday.

that's what today was.

it was about spending the morning in pyjamas and with cups of coffee,

sitting around the kitchen table with a friend.

it was about getting dressed in my favourite flowered skirt,

a jean jacket and a scarf with a pair of rubber boots

and saying hello to the garden.

it was about pruning roses for the first time in my life.

and it was about the smile on my face,

simply to see that they survived the winter. and me.

(do i dare admit, i think i broke every gardening rule

there ever was to break...)

it was about planting white peonies

and digging in the dirt with bare hands

and about pulling out the weeds. one by one.

it was about grabbing another cup of coffee and sitting on the steps,

simply content and thinking just how good things can be.

and beside me on these steps, was my pot of heather.

my pot of irish heather.

and i took it in my hands, just to take a closer look,

and i so had to think of jacinta.

she brought me that heather last september.

as a little gift from her cooley mountains.

she placed it in my hands and told me,

i need to plant this, to always remember how strong i am,

to remember how real my dreams are,

and what it is that lives inside me

and what it is that i have to do.

jacinta. she simply has something magical about herself.

something wise, but something so beautifully magical.

and i was just sitting there, holding that pot of heather in my hands

and remembering what she said.

i suddenly received a text message

simply saying

"ange, i just so had to think of you right now.

i've been thinking of you a lot these past few days,

wondering how you are...

but suddenly, that thought was stronger than ever

and i wanted to let you know.

it feels like spring here in ireland today,

it's lovely and i'm going into the garden.

so strange, because it's almost as though you're here.

love, jacinta"

i was at a loss words. and i couldn't help but smile.

never ever tell me, that thoughts can't travel,

and that thoughts can't be felt.

over time. over space.

it's the power we have.

and it's moments like this, that simply remind us.

there's more to tell about the sunday. and about life.

but for now,

it's time to find my way to blankets and bed.

and simply say good night.

waiting for spring...

words. chapters of a year...

words. thoughts. fragments of words and thoughts.

that were spoken. and written.

in the days and weeks and months

of a year gone by.

these become our chapters. and our stories.

in this wonderful things we call,

our book of life.


and seeing words splashed on a collage like this,

makes me realise how wonderful language is.

how beautiful language is.

it's expression. communication.

and even when written rather than spoken,

it's voice. it's signature.

of the self.

simply reflections of the self.

each word we allow to cross our lips

to come from our minds or our hearts

is a reflection of the self.


-----------------------

i've been meaning and wanting to write for days now.

capture thoughts and moments

and maybe even to manifest what the new year is to be.

but for now,

i'll simply share these words.

sweet. simple. words.

of the days and weeks and months

of a year gone by.


ps.

thank you tam...

for giving me and showing me my wordle words.

blowing you a kiss. just for that.

and just for you being you.

home sweet home.

heart. beats.

snow. snow. snow.

well. that's it now.

in about an hour

there'll be a taxi

taking me to a train station

that'll be taking me to the aeroport.

there's always this sensation about leaving.

about travelling. setting on a journey.

and i can't find the words for it right now.

but it's there. this sensation.

my suitcase is already downstairs.

just a few things that still need to be packed.

i'm still sitting here with a cup of coffee

and pyjamie bottoms.

and it's very early morning.

four o'clock early morning.

and it feels like the whole world is fast asleep

with just the hush of quiet around me.

mom's already warned me that it's cold.

and i think over the years i've forgotten

what minus twenty five degrees of cold can be.

i suppose it's time to remember again.

but i can't wait to see the snow.

to see the city with all her christmas lights.

to sleep in my old bed. in my old room.

or just to hear the way

mom putters thru the house

doing her thing.

or dad sits at the kitchen table with the paper

humming along to a song.

and it's when you hear those sounds,

that's when you know you're home.

home sweet home.

la lune. i like simply calling her la lune...

for all the ways in which we embrace each and every day.

and for the wonderful way we smile at the world

and the way the world smiles back with us.

and as she too, smiled and laughed...

all she simply said was...

omondieu!

she smiled and laughed and said...

omondieu!

sunday night and i'm tired.

simply and wonderfully tired.

in fact, i almost think i'm even too tired to write.

but i'll try.and simply spill a word or two before me

before i crawl into the warm comfort of blankets and pillows

and say good night for the day.


and i'm asking myself, why it is,

that weekends always come and go so quick?


saturday morning meant being up bright and early,

had an appointment with isabelle at the salon

just for a wee trim and shape and a bit of colour...

i thought.

sat there with my cup of coffee

and then isabelle spoke the words

saying we're going short.

and i think i went speechless for a moment.

needless to say,

pageboy bobbish kind of short.

and it's absolutely sweet if i can even say that myself.


and it wasn't until around noon that i found my way out

into the hustle and bustle of the streets

with all attempts at christmas. and shopping.

but it's been a while since i've been in lahr,

or simply even had the time to wander,

so it was less about taking care of gifts and presents,

and more about running into friends and faces

and taking time for coffee. at the bistro.

i managed to get a few things done

but had to be at isabelle's for three.

coffee. cake. champagne.

with the girls.

we just wanted to spend a bit of time together before i leave.

and to be honest,

it still really hasn't sunk in yet that tuesday's the day

and i'll be singing...

"so kiss me and smile for me

tell me that you'll wait for me

hold me like you'll never let me go.

cause i'm leaving on a jet plane

don't know when i'll be back again..."

and i'll be on my way home.


anyhow. a lovely afternoon with the girls.

with my bella. dani and susan too.


and on my way driving home,

a few of the things that made me smile were

of stopping at the gas station

and the cashier smiling and saying,

i haven't seen you in a while.

and me coming to think,

yeah, that's right. i haven't been here in a while.

and smiling back.

and then he gave me chocolate. yummy yummy chocolate.

simply saying,

here, have this on your way home.

at times, i swear it's the simplest and sweetest things

that make the difference.

and then, it was about driving home and following

the path and trace of a voluptious full moon

shining. bigger and brighter than life.

and on the radio they were playing the cure.

and that had me singing along with an even bigger smile...

"Show me how you do that trick

The one that makes me scream" she said

"The one that makes me laugh" she said

And threw her arms around my neck

"Show me how you do it

And I promise you,

I promise that I'll run away with you."

and god i love that song. and those words.

i think that's why it had to be written over here

and just for the way, it's a part of what life and love is meant to be.


anyhow, i still needed to get myself to the cité,

just to pick up another gift or two

but i was also supposed to be meeting up with fausto for a drink as well.

so is this the time and place i confess that i was running just a wee bit late

once again?

yes. angie. typical angie.

but i do my best.


and that was saturday.


today meant getting up early again

and heading to the office.

there's simply so much i still need to get done.

and that deadline, i have to admit again,

it does have me a bit worried.

i know everyone will be fine.

and i know everything will work out just as well.

but still.

it's the adrenaline. and the anticipation.

everytime this part of a new catalogue draws near.

and just because it matters so much. and means the world to me.


i left the office around four o'clock

and off to oberkirch i was to meet up with simone.

and how wonderful it was to see her.

we talked and talked and talked.

about what's all been and what all should be.

about men. about work. about ideas.

and simply about life.

i think we could have talked all night.


and she was simply the most wonderful inspiration.

but also the most wonderful confirmation. and motivation.


she wanted a femme heureuse shirt as well

so i had brought that along.

and she slipped into it right away.

shite. damn. silly me.

we should have taken a photograph

because trust me when i say,

she looked marvelous, absolutely marvelous in that shirt.

and that shirt looked marvelous, absolutely marvelous on her.


she has a few meetings and interviews coming up as well,

so she said there's no doubt in her mind with what she'll be wearing.

femme heureuse. that's what it's all about.

living and being. femme heureuse.


and then, driving home again,

there she was.

that moon. that beautiful and glorious moon.

i had to stop. and i had to pull off on to the side of the road.

step out and go for a walk. and have a cigarette.

and it felt like all i could do

was look at that moon. that beautiful and glorious moon.

(yes. i had quit. and back on the verge of quitting.

but every now and then. and for moments like this.

there's a time and there's a place. and a cigarette.)

and then i carried on.

driving.

and then i heard a voice i hadn't heard in a long while.

maybe an intentional long while.

but i heard his voice. speaking. on the radio.

and i had to catch my breath. hold my breath.

and remind myself.

femme heureuse. femme heureuse.

and let it go.

that voice. that thought. and the feeling of him.


and now it's sunday night,

and a chilly cold december's sunday night.

on the floor there's a suitcase almost packed.

on the table there's a glass of pinot noir at my side

and three candles burning for advent.

and looking thru my window,

there she is again.

that moon. that beautiful and glorious moon.


la lune. i like simply calling her la lune.

of smiles and laughter. and paper hearts...

a saturday.

of cutting paper hearts.

and playing with a camera.

of drinking much too much coffee.

and girls at work are girls at play.

these are the katrin sessions.

katrin came over today.

one of my sweetest dear girls at the office.

and we were on a bit of a mission.

the both of us. the camera. and a bit of omondieu!


i don't know how many photographs we took.

a hundred wouldn't nearly say enough.

but going thru them tonight

put back the smiles and the laughs that we had all day.


it felt so good to be with the camera again.

sometimes i had felt as though i had lost a bit of the vision,

and lost a bit of the language.

yes, i believe we speak a language with what we see,

with what we capture and what we share.

a language that is spoken quietly. and needs no words.

but the photo session last weekend

and then the session today,

it all felt familiar. like an old friend.

that came to embrace you again.


granted, the camera didn't always do what i wanted it to do,

and a grey december day

didn't leave me with the light i wanted neither.

but there were so many laughs. and so many smiles.

and yes. coffee. coffee. and more coffee.


i'm happy with these photographs.

these photographs of today.


and i think the whole day was about laughter.

it was about good things. sweet things.

it was about women. and it was about friends.


it was about the photographs and the talks with katrin.

and in the midsts of that,

a phone call from the salon

giving me a list of the shirts they sold

and of shirts that need to be ordered.

and i don't think i need to say,

that phone call left me with yet another smile.

there were freshly baked cookies placed on the doorstep,

(for which i'm trying my hardest not to eat all at once.)

and then there was isabelle coming over for dinner.

we drove into town to go to le bistro

because we wanted mussels, mussels, mussels.

and a good glass of wine.

isabelle and i both reckoned,

life must be a wonderful thing,

when the most difficult decision of the moment,

is deciding whether it's a chardonnay or a grauer burgunder.

needless to say, the grauer burgunder it was.

but even dinner was full of smiles and laughs.

we had talks of the heart

and those things that matter most,

but we also laughed and laughed and laughed.

so many little stories and incidences

that simply made us laugh.

(and there goes isabelle's dress... once again.)

and i honestly can't remember the last time

i laughed and smiled as much as i did today.


after dinner, we simply went for a walk

thru the christmas market.

a magical thing. and a beautiful thing.

the smells. of spices. and chocolate. and roasting chestnuts.

the people. the christmas lights. and the merry go round.

at first we thought we'd warm ourselves up with a cup of mulled wine,

but then we thought we'd do things our way,

and a glass of champagne it was.


and afterwards we came back home.

to put on a pot of tea,

of chamomile and rose and lavender.

we lit the fire and curled ourselves up on the couch

talking. talking. simply talking

until once again it was late at night.


and that makes me realise again,

how thankful and grateful i am

for my girls. my dear and wonderful girls.

and with even the distance

and the road between us since i moved away,

they still always manage to find their way.


and now i just wanted to go thru some of the photographs,

and reflect on the day. and share upon the day.

as i say good night to this day.


a saturday.

of smiles and laughter.

and cutting paper hearts.

today. today was simply one of those days.

there are days, you are simply filled with a vulnerability.

and it leaves you feeling fragile. transparent.

of sensitive skin. and a sensitive heart.


but it's in that fragility and that weakness,

that you also find your strength.

and when you can simply allow yourself to fall

to embrace even this,

there's a calm that wraps itself around you,

like arms, that protect you, shelter you.

arms that cradle you.


today.

today was simply one of those days.


and if i look back,

in so many ways it was a good day.

maybe a bit chaotic, as most of my days are.

but that's me. simply a part of me.


and there were moments that made me smile,

there were moments that made me hope.

but yet, there was this vulnerability.

this yearning. this longing.

and the holding on of the letting go.

those moments when you falter. and stumble just a little bit.


today.

today was simply one of those days.


and now it's late night. once again.

i have a candle lit on my table.

i have a vase filled with stems of rosehips.

and if you think about it. what a beautiful word.

rose. hips.

they hold such a simplicity in them. a richness of simplicity.


i had a meeting with wilma tonight.

having to bring her a few of my fleurs for her shop.

she has the sweetest, the loveliest little flower shop.

so it was nice,

knowing that in these small steps,

there's just a bit more magic on it's way.

the secret garden kind of magic.


oh today.

today was simply one of those days.


vulnerable.

and it leaves you feeling fragile. transparent.

of sensitive skin. and a sensitive heart.

promises... that we speak. that we keep.

promse me you'll never forget me,

because if i thought you would...

i'd never leave.

- a.a. milne -

(and maybe just for the love of winnie the pooh... )

those are words that floated around me today.

simply floated. and made me smile.

and it was as though i was whispering these words to someone,

knowing that although he might not hear.

there's this constant glow of hope

that he just might feel those words. those thoughts.

and even if he doesn't know why,

that he just might catch himself smiling,

feeling something floating around him too.

---------------

got up rather tired this morning.

after a late night with the girls on friday night.

spent the day at the office,

trying to take steps forward with the catalogue.

it's close to insanity that i'm taking holidays so close before deadline

but it's something that needs to be done,

and i really need this holiday.

and just time spent with mom. with dad.

and just time spent back home.

but we had a good day and although somedays,

the work can't be measured or seen,

we managed to move forward.

small steps at times are big steps.


i didn't leave the office until maybe around six

drove off to pick up my rocking chair.

yes, i got myself a rocking chair.

something i've wanted for the bedroom for a while now.

a nice. white. old. rocking chair.

and the plan was that i was going to get back in time

to quickly sneak into ikea.

needing to stock up on my candles

and all those other little things,

as well as the shelves for behind the bed.

i swear, am i the only one that can go into ikea

and pick up candles for over fifty euro?

something i do every couple of months.

me. and my candles.

i have a whole cupboard just for me and my candles.

anyhow, i didn't make it in time.

needless to say.

i thought they were open until ten o'clock

but that wasn't the case.

so onward. homeward.

with a quick stop at the grocery store

that thankfully, was still open.

it's rare here in germany that a store is open that late.

and i can't tell you how glad i am,

that it's also a store, right across the street from me.

convience. convience. absolute convience.

so we'll have to save ikea for another night,

hopefully later this week.

if somehow time will allow.


so after getting home,

and getting my flowers finally put in vases,

and throwing in a bit of laundry

(these days, i feel like i've done everything and anything

other than win the housekeeper of the year award.

oh god. i swear one day i want a cleaning lady!)

i just wanted to pour myself a glass of wine

and pour water into the bath

and slip myself away.

but elisabeth called and we spent over an hour on the phone.

ahem. girls.

when they talk.

and trust me, there's always much to say.

i don't think the men really get it. these conversations we women can have.

elisabeth is away doing a market this weekend

and i maybe should have driven down to see her tonight

as i was almost already in that neck of the woods.

but considering i need to be up early in the morning,

i just reckoned it would be better to drive home.

and she was in her hotel room, drinking a glass of wine.

so that probably explains,

how and what our conversation was like.

oh the silliness. the sweet sweet silliness.


other sweet things of the past few days?

thursday night was ludwigsburg.

went to charlotte roche's last reading

of her ever so disputable and for many,

shocking book.

feuchtgebiete.

which i believe is just being translated into english.

wetlands.

for those with a vivid imagination.

yes. disputable. but i like to think,

taken with a touch of vulgar humour.

i won't say anything more.


anyhow. i wanted to go to the reading in karlsruhe back in april,

but that was sold out right away.

one of my girls at the office said she got tickets for ludwigsburg

so we decided to go together.

and it was all worth the while.



and other good news was all the little omondieu! stirrings.

a wonderful email from ruth in munich

and a wonderful phone call from regine.

one of her customer's bought a hüftgold shirt,

and as the saying goes,

she told a friend who told a friend who told a friend...

and now there's another store asking for the shirts,

with a whole order for the hüftgold

and asking which other shirts there are to be had

alongside the secret garden rings.

i can put a nice order together right away.

i can't believe what it is about this shirt.

hüftgold.

but i think that it's wonderful,

that so many women are having fun with that word,

and with that statement.

and yes, it makes me giggle. it makes me smile.

i just have to find and make the time

to put the rest of it together again.

but these next days

and these next weeks,

time is going to be a rarity.

but such is life. c'est la vie.

and we'll figure it out somehow.

isn't that the magic of things,

how everything always does

simply fall into place?

(also one of those things

that long telephone conversations were all about...

because damn there's been some magic happening these days.)


but for now,

i think i just have to get myself off to bed.

up early in the morning

first for breakfast with isabelle

then off to the salon for a photo session with her girls

and then a photo session for a project

with a few of her clients as well.

and it's been a while since i've done assignments like that

but i'm excited about it. hoping i can capture it,

capture and ignite the beauty in each and every one.


and then depending on how time will go,

i'll see if i can make it out to patti's.

coffee with patti. i miss my coffees with patti.

and sunday evening is dinner with gwen.

her birthday dinner. and just the two of us.

i know she won't read this until maybe later,

so i can say it now.

but all that this wonderful girl is getting,

is a good bottle of wine,

some sundried tomatoes,

and an array of lemon pepper, truffel and barolo tagliatelle

that i picked up at the market.

i've added a sprig of rosemary and oregano from the garden.

and packed it in a picnic box.

and that's just what this gift is supposed to say,

the promise of a spring weekend in italy.

just a short trip. a small trip.

lago di como this time. or maybe lago maggiore again.

gwen and i like to do that. just every now and then.

and of course,

come spring, i'll need another white oleander. and an olive tree.

and those are the things,

that i like to always bring back with me.

it's the little stories that can be told.

and as we know,

everything has its story. everything has its reason.

and it's also these stories, these reasons,

that gwen too, always understands.

and in her stride, takes as a part of me.


happy birthday my dear girl.

and thank you for always being there.

for being a part of me.


but for now,

this little girl has got to find her way to bed.

i think that today,

it was simply about that. it was simply about promises.

those that we speak. and those that we keep.


and those that live in hope...