Sunday, October 29, 2006

the weeks. the days.

hello. it has been a while.

hasn't it?

i wouldn't even know where to begin,

tracing steps back over the past weeks.

it's been a dance, a symphony,

and at times, bitter and sweet.

work has been keeping me busy.

things are taking more and more of format

in being able to see the big picture

of how things should be. could be.

and maybe that's me speaking

professionally and personally.

there have been so many times,

i've written words in this space,

even if simply in the mind.

moments and stories that i've wanted to share.

the words just not finding their way,

carved into the black and white of keyboard writings.

today was finally a day spent at home,

a bit overwhelming to be honest.

trying to tackle projects and work,

paper piles of work.

trying to tackle boxes of things to be purged

and things to be packed

for the new apartment yet to be found.

i haven't even been able to find the space

in time for that project of mine.

and may i confess, leaving me restless as well.

but there were also conversations on the phone today,

conversations with dear friends

and those are moments that mean much too.

elisabeth and susan and isabelle

and receiving sweet messages and not receiving sweet messages.

the constant game of waiting

or taking one step in to take one step back.

last weekend i made my way to paris.

a weekend on my own with time to think,

wonder and ponder,

sit in caf├ęs and watch life dance by.

there's a beauty and a mystery and a secret in that city.

it can leave you feeling so inspired

larger than life

and yet so small and humble.

it's a city that lets you dream

makes you wish and leaves you yearning.

and there were times i was sitting there,

and then realising it's like a dream come true.

regardless how often i've visited

and for all the times i hope to visit again.

but once upon a time,

i was a little girl that dreamt of this city,

and never would have imagined the days,

that i simply find myself in her cascade,

simply because there's a lull of the heart

as though calling my name.

the past week of work had me back in paris again.

if just for the day.

wednesday was wiesbaden

and thursday was meant to be wiesbaden as well

however driving back wednesday evening,

simply because i knew i more than needed that day at the office,

and friday had me up at two thirty am

on my way to stuttgart to grab a flight at four am

on the plane at seven am just to say bon jour again.

with work taken care of, there was time to grab the metro

and find myself back at the eifel tower

simply because i need to absorb her,

each and every time.

and it was almost as though,

i kept hoping that someone could feel that moment too,

know i was there,

making a wish, thinking a thought.

grabbed myself a coffee and headed back to the airport,

convinced again to miss the flight.

and it was close, it would have been damn close,

and for the second time in my life,

i was so relieved to see the words "delayed".

life has a strange way of showing she's on your side at times.

and as i'm saying good night to sunday

making my own wishes for the week before,

trying to manifest, envision and see with clarity

and all the good faith that things will get done,

and beautifully find their way of unfolding,

it's like saying good morning

to a brand new day.

Monday, October 09, 2006

love. passion. yearning. courage.

love. passion. yearning. courage.

maybe the words of the weekend.

and for that i can thank my friends

for being a part of all that

and bringing these words back into my life.

i have been meaning to write for the past few weeks.

there's been motion in life

and nothing feels like it's standing still.

and as the saying goes,

the only constant in life is change itself.

the weekend was filled with each and every emotion

of highs and lows.

mostly of highs.

friday night and going out with the girls

dancing into the early wee hours of the morning.

after a few hours of sleep,

isabelle and sabine and myself heading out to freiburg.

just wandering thru the cobblestone streets

having coffee here and there

and then meeting with elisabeth for more coffee here and there.

it was a weekend of hearing a voice for the first time

and yet knowing it's an ever spoken familiar voice.

it was a weekend of waiting to hear from a voice

and feeling the pain in not hearing it.

maybe that's the yearning itself.

and it was about showing the courage,

to reach out to voices. the new and the old.

sunday had me and elisabeth in mannheim and in heidelberg.

out shopping for fabric at a market in mannheim

and then stopping off to catch the designers' exhibit in heidelberg.

angela johe was exhibiting there as well

and i haven't seen her in much too long.

she has always been one of my favourite porcelain artists

and i had her work as a constant exhibit in my gallery

back in earlier days.

there's a small but growing collection of her work in my home.

and it was so good seeing her again,

because angela has this presence that can simply captivate a room.

there's something gentle, however radiating.

calm, inspiring and yet exhilirating about her. sensual.

we took a few moments getting caught up with hellos

and the travels and moments that life has been bringing our way.

losing myself in her new work and designs,

and her showing me the new [coffee] bowls.

angela smiled, looked at me and said

"these are exactly where you are"

the coffee bolds that had the simple words

liebe. leidenschaft. sehnsucht. mut.

written one by one on each of the bowls.

and i knew they had to be

something like a gift to the self.

and as i sit here,

writing and thinking, maybe speaking a little hope,

i'm sipping and stirring my coffee

from a bowl

that has the little message of courage

written inside.

reminding me that life is always about exactly this.

the love. the passion. the yearning. the courage.