Monday, March 24, 2008

this month of march.

and blurs of
sunday afternoons in march
spent with a friend.

came here with all intentions of writing.
because there were so many thoughts on my mind
that i felt i simply want to share.
hold. capture. remember.
maybe even manifest.

and its easter monday night
that has the subtle taste of a winter's sunday night.
snowing outside. and cold.

just finished watching tatort on the tele.
it's almost as though that belongs to german religion
usually of sunday evenings.
[almost] everyone stays home, curled up on the couch
and yes. tatort.

corinna. are you guilty of the conviction too?

march has been a winter and spring of a month.
not just in the sense of weather,
but in the sense of life. and emotions.
its been about yearnings and longings.

it's been about taking big steps and taking small steps.
its been about standing still.
there have been days that all feels like the quiet hush of spring
and days that feel like the bitter and cold of winter
that doesn't just yet want to let go.

it's been about questioning
and answering.
or simply seeking the answer.
maybe better said, seeking the courage to answer.
other [ir]relevant moments of march?
being invited to the awards again this year.
and considering i never even listen to that radio station
[should i really be admiting that...?]

it was still an evening to enjoy and an evening to remember.
i literally kept crashing into tim mälzer the entire evening.
accidentally. and to be honest,
at first i didn't even recognise him.
at least not until he was on the stage to receive his award.

so aside from him stepping on my toe
or him taking a step backward and straight into me,
the last collision of the evening after the awards
was made good again with a small kiss.
i guess a moment when one says,
we have stop meeting this way.

the other sweet moment of the night
was talking with maria mena
and sitting down with her for a brief moment.
a true gem she is.
natural. authentic. and yes, sweetness.

"just hold me" still pierces my heart
in the exact same way it did,
the first time i ever heard the song play.
and it sings words that my own language wasn't able to speak
to him then. or even now.
the first time i heard it, i was driving in the car.
and i had to pull over
just because it was as though those words
froze right thru me. in a sense of familiarity
that said it all.
that's over a year ago.

and nevermind me almost does the same
just in a different way.
"What is the game we're playing?
should I stick around for more? "
so maria my dear.
thank you. just for that.

march has also been about meetings with lawyers
saying enough is enough
and standing up. tall. and proud.
and it feels rather liberating.

march has been time spent with friends
sleep overs. coffee sessions.
cooking dinners.
and needless to say
a bottle of wine or two.

easter weekend was lovely. quiet. too.
gwen came over on friday afternoon
and we went to the friedrichsbad
just time to relax, fall into the bliss of ease.
came home. cooked us a dinner.
and just sat at the table for hours.
talking. the way we girls do.
saturday we decided to go to karlsruhe
and three summer dresses later
in what feels like the midst of winter.

the weekend was also about purging.
sorting thru things. beridding of things.
letting go. simplifying.
kind of like a feng shui of the soul
[three garbage bags later. and a box for a flea market too.]

and i'm taking the day off tomorrow.
caro's staying yet another day before heading back to starnberg.
so the girls are coming over in the morning for coffee
and then we're off to see the gerhard richter exhibit
before heading off to the baths again.
but for now,
after all i've said and not yet said,
it's time to hush a good night.
blow out the candles,
and make a wish.

always come true.

Monday, March 03, 2008

past. present. future.

excerpts of the saturday morning sessions
taken once. upon a time ago.
recollecting mazes of old photographs
a rebirth. of being brought to life.
i wrote a bit of this. and a bit of that.
and then i simply deleted.
sometimes it feels like the words get lost
or then maybe,
then just need to be held inside
a moment longer.

but it's wednesday night.
and after a good not so good and back to good
day at work
i came home a bit inspired
did a bit of work
strange, but i like doing that kind of work.
finding new designers. stores.
and one thing always leads to another.
endless at times.

and then i caught myself thinking about him.
the one that is so often in my heart
and on my mind.
its a special place that he holds there
sometimes a lonely place,
but he's simply there.
the heart. the mind.
its often two languages that they speak.
but its the language of the heart
that i understand most.
simply because it feels the most.

i have my fleurs surrounding me,
almost like a meadow blossoming.
poured a late night glass of wine
and put myself to more work.
and i still love my fleurs,
the root of what started and what became
but today also brought new inspirations,
continuing inspirations.
the angel collection is falling into place.
slowly. surely. but with her gentle wings.

i'll drop subtle hints
of these angels amongst
mink and pearls.
and lace with satin flowers.

i almost think its time to say good night.
reflect on the day.
and maybe send myself off to a dream.

i made a wish this morning,
and wrote it down.
and i smiled
as i wrote those words then.
just as i smiled
writing these words now.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

star star... teach me how to shine

- kyra -
its the wonderful way she shares her world.
the questions she asks. or the way she smiles.
and the wonder of simply watching her grow
into life.
kind of like a star.
sunday evening

and its quiet interlude of thought.

drinking a glass of wine after a late night coffee.

coffee that leaves the skin and the heart warm,

and making you trace fingertips along the brim of that empty cup.

maybe like wanting to remember

or simply to let the taste linger

just a moment longer.

and right now,

i like hearing the wind of the storm outside,

its a bit calmer now. and hushed.

but taunts in a lull, as though again

just to remind you of the presence.

like whispering,

here i am.

and in between all of this,

star star is my gentle musical companion.

just like this constant play, stop, rewind,

that strums thru the heart.

yet always wanting just to pause or simply fast forward

and keep bodily beautiful moments alive

and close by my side.

like that cup of coffee. tonight.

"star star. teach me how to shine shine.

teach me so i know whats going on in your mind."

- - - - - - -

this weekend had a few precious moments.

time alone. time with friends.

martina and the girls downstairs.

making wishes. and day dreaming a little too.

smiling with blossoming hyacinths and tulips

all in purity of white.

finding an old dresser for little things like

teacups and teapots and porcelain.

or spending sunday afternoon at a market with elisabeth

and then sitting in the car in a parking lot

talking just a bit more

because as girls,

there are always so many things on the mind

and in the heart.

but i think what i'm really holding on to

is tonight

and that cup of coffee that made me smile.

pause. linger. and play that song again.