Sunday, November 26, 2006

sunday eclipses...

there's much i want to say. to share.

but it's hard finding the words

as i'm trying to place them in a language

spoken between the mind. and the heart.

seeking translations. and understandings.

bitter and sweet it is.

words that dance in the mind?

hope. doubt.

and hope again.

love. passion. yearning. missing.

desire. hurt. confusion. clarity.

spoken. unspoken.

fragile. strong. enduring.

waiting. patience. impatience.

and i need the word hope again.

which words speak your language today?

and in the midsts of all of this,

just a few eclipses of sunday

and of isabelle and i.

simply being the girls, the dear friends we are.

Monday, November 20, 2006

packing pieces of china.


it's been a while. again.

in the one breath, there's so much to say.

and in the next breath, there's not much to say at all.

things are turning in circles.

much like a merry go round.

there is motion

moments of happy glee,

yet the feet don't feel like they are on the ground.

but for now,

just a short update.

work is keeping me busy.

and it's usually late late night until i find my way home.

whatever few hours of the day that i have had for myself,

i spend with friends over a coffee or a glass of wine.

and i still haven't found the home i'm looking for.

have checked out a few more apartments

and some have proven nice.

but there hasn't been one that left me saying,

this is it. this is home. this is where i am.

so i'll continue looking. waiting. hoping.

much like with other things in life.

and when you're the queen of impatience as i am,

the waiting isn't always an easy game.

tonight was one of the first evenings in a long while

that i actually spent at home.

put together some shirts that i hope to drop off at a store tomorrow

took care of a few random emails.

and i don't dare confess how behind i am on those.

and i packed a box.

of old dishes and china. from klaus' mother.

there's not much i'm taking with me from here,

and yet i have the longing and the need to take these

as the remnants of what i'm leaving behind.

maybe in a sense,

because these don't symbolise anything between us.

rather i simply think they're pretty. the vintage.

soft flowers and traces of gold.

numbers stamped on the back of the plates.

but just packing the box

was a symbolism for myself.

and just where i am these days.

learning to focus. learning to let go.

learning to welcome all the new.

and yes, sometimes that means,

packing pieces of old china.

as fragile and precious as they are.



Wednesday, November 01, 2006

opening new doors.

made a phone call yesterday

regarding an apartment in offenburg.

four rooms in an old house.

although i fear it's not the art nouveau style i'm hoping for.

first floor and two balconies.

of all the phone calls i made yesterday,

this call left the best gut instinct with me.

the gentleman sounded friendly, polite.

no frills or fuss.

and today he called saying he would be in offenburg

and if i like, i can come to view the apartment.

i have my fingers crossed.

offenburg is just down the road from here,

so that still means one hundred kilometers to work

one way.

there's yet another apartment i want to view

however i have to send a letter to a cipher number

to meet the selection.

that one would be in baden-baden

that would be exactly half the distance i travel now

so close enough to work

and still close enough to here

where my friends and hence family are.

i've manifested my list of what i want my new home to be.

and that's what i'm hoping for

is simply to walk into doors

and know this is what i've been looking for

waiting for.

i have my fingers and my heart crossed.