Monday, March 24, 2008

this month of march.

and blurs of
sunday afternoons in march
spent with a friend.

came here with all intentions of writing.
because there were so many thoughts on my mind
that i felt i simply want to share.
hold. capture. remember.
maybe even manifest.

and its easter monday night
that has the subtle taste of a winter's sunday night.
snowing outside. and cold.

just finished watching tatort on the tele.
it's almost as though that belongs to german religion
usually of sunday evenings.
[almost] everyone stays home, curled up on the couch
and yes. tatort.

corinna. are you guilty of the conviction too?

march has been a winter and spring of a month.
not just in the sense of weather,
but in the sense of life. and emotions.
its been about yearnings and longings.

it's been about taking big steps and taking small steps.
its been about standing still.
there have been days that all feels like the quiet hush of spring
and days that feel like the bitter and cold of winter
that doesn't just yet want to let go.

it's been about questioning
and answering.
or simply seeking the answer.
maybe better said, seeking the courage to answer.
other [ir]relevant moments of march?
being invited to the awards again this year.
and considering i never even listen to that radio station
[should i really be admiting that...?]

it was still an evening to enjoy and an evening to remember.
i literally kept crashing into tim mälzer the entire evening.
accidentally. and to be honest,
at first i didn't even recognise him.
at least not until he was on the stage to receive his award.

so aside from him stepping on my toe
or him taking a step backward and straight into me,
the last collision of the evening after the awards
was made good again with a small kiss.
i guess a moment when one says,
we have stop meeting this way.

the other sweet moment of the night
was talking with maria mena
and sitting down with her for a brief moment.
a true gem she is.
natural. authentic. and yes, sweetness.

"just hold me" still pierces my heart
in the exact same way it did,
the first time i ever heard the song play.
and it sings words that my own language wasn't able to speak
to him then. or even now.
the first time i heard it, i was driving in the car.
and i had to pull over
just because it was as though those words
froze right thru me. in a sense of familiarity
that said it all.
that's over a year ago.

and nevermind me almost does the same
just in a different way.
"What is the game we're playing?
should I stick around for more? "
so maria my dear.
thank you. just for that.

march has also been about meetings with lawyers
saying enough is enough
and standing up. tall. and proud.
and it feels rather liberating.

march has been time spent with friends
sleep overs. coffee sessions.
cooking dinners.
and needless to say
a bottle of wine or two.

easter weekend was lovely. quiet. too.
gwen came over on friday afternoon
and we went to the friedrichsbad
just time to relax, fall into the bliss of ease.
came home. cooked us a dinner.
and just sat at the table for hours.
talking. the way we girls do.
saturday we decided to go to karlsruhe
and three summer dresses later
in what feels like the midst of winter.

the weekend was also about purging.
sorting thru things. beridding of things.
letting go. simplifying.
kind of like a feng shui of the soul
[three garbage bags later. and a box for a flea market too.]

and i'm taking the day off tomorrow.
caro's staying yet another day before heading back to starnberg.
so the girls are coming over in the morning for coffee
and then we're off to see the gerhard richter exhibit
before heading off to the baths again.
but for now,
after all i've said and not yet said,
it's time to hush a good night.
blow out the candles,
and make a wish.

always come true.


Kerstin said...

Can you believe it, but after all these years I still miss Tatort. You are right, it is almost a German institution, and I wonder what it is like these days compared to when I used to watch it (centuries ago with Kommissar Schimanski!)

Thanks for the links to the beautiful music by Maria Mena, love it, especially the first song. Will have to see if it's in the iTunes store.

I often think of you in my home country; you describe so many things (the intimacy of friendships, the girlie get togethers) that make me homesick ... for a life as it once was. And with a bit of luck will be again, soon ... :)

Take care,

susanna said...

I hadn't heard of either Tartort (is this the Carnation Street of Germany?) or Maria Mena (whose voice is so fragile and you are right, pierces the heart). Thank you for those links.

It sounds like you are busy these days, attending parties and bumping into celebrities while at the same time enjoying quieter moments with close friends. Thank goodness for girlfriends! They can make the big changes in our personal lives much easier by just listening and being supportive. I'm glad that while your heart mends (it seems that is what you have been going through recently), you are taking care of yourself by surrounding yourself with caring friends and by treating yourself to little pleasures at the spa. You deserve it!

susan said...

you tickle me pink angie! rainer watches tatort here. ugh ugh! well, it does help me with my continuation of learning german ...
so glad to hear that you did the gerhard richter exhibit. what a lucky one you are!!! look to august this year for a visit from us. the girls want to see you almost as much as i do too! perhaps you could treat yourself to a few days off up north with us?
either way - phoning is in order. ... i have been terrible! forgive me!
xoxoxoxoxoxo and another hug to you

madelyn said...

what lovely music links ~
i hear such questions in those
and ahem..i love sleepovers!

and wine and galleries...

i have been also taking small/grande
steps this week ~ that has left me
feeling rather weak~kneed ~
but it's rather beautiful
in a fluttery kind of way...

i just love visiting you hear
and reading your poetic
stream of musings...


madelyn said...

oh psht please ignore all those
spelling mistakes etc..