this month of march.

petra.

and blurs of

sunday afternoons in march

spent with a friend.

came here with all intentions of writing.

because there were so many thoughts on my mind

that i felt i simply want to share.

hold. capture. remember.

maybe even manifest.

and its easter monday night

that has the subtle taste of a winter's sunday night.

snowing outside. and cold.

just finished watching tatort on the tele.

it's almost as though that belongs to german religion

usually of sunday evenings.

[almost] everyone stays home, curled up on the couch

and yes. tatort.

corinna. are you guilty of the conviction too?

march has been a winter and spring of a month.

not just in the sense of weather,

but in the sense of life. and emotions.

its been about yearnings and longings.

it's been about taking big steps and taking small steps.

its been about standing still.

there have been days that all feels like the quiet hush of spring

and days that feel like the bitter and cold of winter

that doesn't just yet want to let go.

it's been about questioning

and answering.

or simply seeking the answer.

maybe better said, seeking the courage to answer.

other [ir]relevant moments of march?

being invited to the awards again this year.
and considering i never even listen to that radio station
[should i really be admiting that...?]

it was still an evening to enjoy and an evening to remember.

i literally kept crashing into tim mälzer the entire evening.

accidentally. and to be honest,

at first i didn't even recognise him.

at least not until he was on the stage to receive his award.

so aside from him stepping on my toe

or him taking a step backward and straight into me,

the last collision of the evening after the awards

was made good again with a small kiss.

i guess a moment when one says,

we have stop meeting this way.

the other sweet moment of the night

was talking with maria mena

and sitting down with her for a brief moment.

a true gem she is.

natural. authentic. and yes, sweetness.

"just hold me" still pierces my heart

in the exact same way it did,

the first time i ever heard the song play.

and it sings words that my own language wasn't able to speak

to him then. or even now.

the first time i heard it, i was driving in the car.

and i had to pull over

just because it was as though those words

froze right thru me. in a sense of familiarity

that said it all.

that's over a year ago.

and nevermind me almost does the same

just in a different way.

"What is the game we're playing?

should I stick around for more? "

so maria my dear.

thank you. just for that.

march has also been about meetings with lawyers

saying enough is enough

and standing up. tall. and proud.

and it feels rather liberating.

march has been time spent with friends

sleep overs. coffee sessions.

cooking dinners.

and needless to say

a bottle of wine or two.

easter weekend was lovely. quiet. too.

gwen came over on friday afternoon

and we went to the friedrichsbad

just time to relax, fall into the bliss of ease.

came home. cooked us a dinner.

and just sat at the table for hours.

talking. the way we girls do.

saturday we decided to go to karlsruhe

and three summer dresses later

in what feels like the midst of winter.

the weekend was also about purging.

sorting thru things. beridding of things.

letting go. simplifying.

kind of like a feng shui of the soul

[three garbage bags later. and a box for a flea market too.]

and i'm taking the day off tomorrow.

caro's staying yet another day before heading back to starnberg.

so the girls are coming over in the morning for coffee

and then we're off to see the gerhard richter exhibit

before heading off to the baths again.

but for now,

after all i've said and not yet said,

it's time to hush a good night.

blow out the candles,

and make a wish.

always come true.