Sunday, January 06, 2008

lightness. gratitude. clarity...

walking thru paris.
jardin des tuileries to be exact.
a moment captured and held as though hand in hand.
the magic of the camera and the eye.
have i shown this photo before?
probably. yes.

lightness. gratitude. clarity.
beauty. elegance. grace.
femininity. passion. love.
abundance. wealth. respect.
courage. discovery. decisions.
yearning. faith. belief.
wisdom. radiance. honesty.
integrity. strength. compassion.

those are words that found their way on paper this morning. while sitting here and drinking coffee. they were instinctive words. intuition words. simply falling and finding their way. its as though they speak a secret language of their own. a morse code of the soul. a tapping of the soul.

words mean a lot to me these days. searching for words. holding on to words. sometimes they flow easily. and sometimes they feel silent. as though i trip and stumble over my own tongue. and at times its my heart that speaks, and not the mind. sometimes i say it the way it is. and sometimes i draw circles. like a language of connect the dots. and yes, i do speak and write between the lines as well. and then there's always the reading between the lines...

but yesterday found words as well. yesterday found old books.

before heading to the office to get some work done quietly on a saturday, i spontaneously decided to go to a second hand store close by here. been there a few times but never really found the hidden treasures that grab you by the heart and make you say yes. a treasure that wants to be discovered simply and only by you. can't even say what i was really looking for. i need furniture for the flat. that's a fact. a sideboard, a cabinet... something i can refurbish, bring back to life. make it unique and make it mine. but also simply because i need to get things into place. my "dining room" that needs to be my work and inspiration space, but not be the creative and chaotic mess of one. yes, i can be one of those. oh god yes. and at this moment, its neither one nor the other. and all these ideas and goals, visions and hopes that i have and are rebirthing themselves, need their space and their room. kind of like a nesting space.

but i think that was what the conscious eye was looking for, and the subconscious eye often takes you by the hand and leads you on a different journey.

so yesterday, that's what i found. books. and if i dare to admit, i don't think i've ever even "consciously" noticed they had books there before. particularily old books. i have a love for old books. not just for the stories told on their pages by the author, but for the stories they hold and create over time themselves. little secrets of where these books have been, the scribbles and side notes. or simply torn and worn pages. some books can simply lull and pull you. attract you. and when i'm in paris, one of the things that is always a bit of a personal religion is the Shakespeare & Co. bookshop. what a magical place. a favourite place. eye wandering thru the shelves and finger wandering over the backs of books, like touching life and lives.

anyhow, the first book that did this yesterday, the pulling and the lulling, was leo tolstoi's "anna karenina". a german edition from 1950. the aged linen of the cover, the embossing of the initials. something beautiful. and then came charles dickens and "christmas books". bless you charles. a first edition copy of a chapmann & hall issue from 1907. next in the hand was a book that when i saw it, i thought of susan. i know she's working on a little project and i promised to keep my eyes out for her. its an old dictionary. german. english. 1948. so my dear, whether its what you need or what you want or had in mind, it simply spoke your name at that moment. and i know you'll make it some kind of magic. and last but not least, there was a yellow with gold embossed copy of alphonse daudet's parisian novels.

those were the words of yesterday.

when i left the shop, it had just started raining. and i don't know why, but i just stood outside instead of getting into the car. simply stood there. smiling. and thinking how sometimes the smallest and most simple things in life can be the sweetest things. so there i was, lost in the thought and in the rain. didn't even notice the car that stopped beside me and the man that rolled the window down until i first heard a voice ask me if i knew where the second hand furniture shop was. had to smile at him and yes. just came from there myself... its just around the corner. he said thank you, smiled back and drove off. now that i think of it, i believe it was my small good deed of the day. he seemed rather agitated and unnerved when he first asked. probably driving in circles and of course, when its raining, its hard to find someone simply standing on the middle of the street... duh. so at least i made a stranger smile. and i hope he found something in that shop that he can call a treasure of his own too.

i do believe i babbled enough for today. words took on a different meaning. and a different form. maybe transition. and lets see whatelse the day is going to hold. i might go for a walk along the rhine. was contemplating a walk in the hills, the vineyards, but i need easy ground today. calm. quiet. straight on and straight forward. there's so much going on these days and so much that is standing still. it's almost as though it contradicts itself.

and with that said,
today is about granting myself permission to simply let time be time...
and the self be the self.
unravel the heart and mind.

but i still wish i knew, how to make a wish or two... come true.


Chelsea Talks Smack said...

This is a beautiful blog and those words are words of hope to me. Words that make life beautiful indeed.

cally said...

how lovely to receive your comment. it's been too long since i came this way. what a beautiful post, here's to the beauty and stories (written and worn) in old books, to good deeds, to special places in paris on rainy days and to a wonderful new year. all the best to you... cally x

susanna said...

A day full of small pleasures... I do think it's a gift when the subconscious or the universe takes a hold of your hand and leads you in the direction of creativity, inspiration and happiness.
I am also having a little love affair with words and typography these days. Often it's the shape of each letter or the way the words are embossed into old paper or an inky messiness across another page that makes my heart do a little happy skip.
I hope you have many more days like this one, Angela. Of course, I also wish you more days of sunshine than rain! :)

madelyn said...

first of all I heat that photo so
much ~ will you sell me a small
print of it by chance?

second I feel so deeply you are a kindred spirit when I read your words ~
how the universe/eye/heart leads
you by the hand where you want to go ~

and I can hear that you are going
with all your very being towards
words in this post ~

and your heart's yearning is surely
not between the lines at all
i think...

I collect dictionaries!!! (ahem!)

and the rain ~ the beautiful
soulful poetic haunting

and this:)

there's so much going on these days and so much that is standing still. it's almost as though it contradicts itself.

exactly where I am at

i adore this post

massive hugs for you my dear!

Ulla said...

Beautiful photo and even lovlier words! Blessings to you this New Year!

susan said...

oh ang, it was a magical day. so good to speak with you my dear and to read your words here as well.
here's to the hunt for more furnishings!
hugs from here,

Carla said...

I have just stumbled upon your blog. A beautiful photo and a lovely, lovely post. Thank you.

Cori said...

Missing you.... please email
expatfamily at hotmail


MindFul MiMi said...

I loooove the Shakespear bookstore near St Michel. When I lived in Paris I used to go there often. It's like it popped right out of a book itself. I liked Gibert Jeune as well though not the same atmosphere at all.

mcdc3s said...

I have found you again. Years ago, on LJ... you were at the gallery, JUST starting the flower jewerly. I have so much catching up to do with this blog. Hugs, Maralena (aka: mcdc3s)

michele said...

You words always touch my heart and soul. Dear you, wishes will come true.

when spring returns, I plan to do some photography with your rings sent to me long ago...

a bit of sweet in the mail will be sent to you.