Thursday, July 10, 2008

there's a lion in my heart...

from the anna's zoo collection
thank you gabi!

there's a lion in my heart... and on my heart...

and at times. he roars. he roars.

ever so quietly. ever so silently.

he's simply there...


it's been a long while again. hasn't it...

there are so many times that i mean to write

and i speak the words in little conversations

or i simply write them down, in my mind

and yes, in my heart too.

it's just so rare that they find their way here

in the black on white of written words.


and i need to write so many friends too.

gaylene. i can't tell you how i think of you

and how awful i feel that i hadn't written

and that i missed you again.

i feel as though i have so much to explain.

and for your constant patience, i thank you.


cori. i just found your messages.

and i promise to write soon too.

it's our twenty years that is coming up.

and i'm wondering if i can make it.

but also, doubting if i can make it too.

chris. i promise i'll call soon.

i think we need to talk.

and it'll do the heart good to talk.

you know what? i really miss him these days.

and sometimes i just want to hear his voice.

that's what aches most at times,

is just knowing its his voice i'll never hear again

and its that smile i'll never see again.

but i still like to think he's here at times.

and even with that cheeky grin on his face.


kerstin. have you found your way to germany yet?

and instead of asking... i should be picking up the phone.

calling. and saying hello.


susan. i know you're on your way. soon.

and i can't wait to be sitting down

sharing a cup of coffee and a glass of wine too.


tam. i miss you.

and at times, i think that's all i can say.

i miss you.


susanna. how do you feel about simply coming over?

i'll pour us a glass of wine. and we'll mull over thoughts and words.

----------

damn. there's so much i want to say.

i could talk about all the things that have happe ned.

over days and weeks and months.

there's been a coming and a going of friends visiting.

there's been quiet moments.

there's been the fears and doubts.

and then there's all the hopes and dreams.

there's been the moments that smiles upon me

and i find myself asking if i really do know

how gracious and precious it really all is.

what it is that i've done to deserve these moments

a generousity of friends. and of their love.

their patience. their understanding.

there are the moments that are simply alone.

and at times with a yearning.

and i find the heart asking a thousand and one questions

all in the same breath.

----------

i'm drinking a glass of rosé.

i'm looking at a pair of new shoes i bought today.

red shoes.

and i like to think they are daring. they are bold.

or maybe its just me discovering the daring. and the bold.

there's a faux strawberry laid on the table beside me

waiting to become something playful and fun.

and i believe it's a necklace draped around me for what she'll be.

red. that seems to be a colour that shines around me these days.

red shoes. a red dress. and strawberries too.

i just got back from frankfurt and the decorate life: tendence fair the other day.

it was a grueling few days. but a good few days.

i was honoured to be asked to hold lectures and speeches at the fair.

and i have to admit that when i was first asked,

a little voice inside of me was saying no...

and then i realised that an oppurtunity and chance as that doesn't come twice.

there was, simply knocking on my door.

so that little voice inside decided to say yes.


i held two lectures on friday. and another on monday.


i chose my themes as decorate life: the emotion and essence of style.

i have to admit. there were shaky knees walking onto stage.

but suddenly the moment takes over.

and you step into your element. your passion of life.

beatrice from glanz und gloria

held the following lecture and speech after me on monday.

and she's long been one of my favourite designers

with a secret vow to the self, that one day i'll wear one of her rings

with exactly that. the splendor and the glory.

she caught me off guard as she approached to me after my presentation

and asking if i'd like to be a part of her presentation as well.

that we simply create a podium discussion. evoking and provoking.

and setting our visions alive.

again. it was a moment of feeling overwhelmed and honoured

and with that small voice inside me, shedding her doubt

until that voice realised, it simply about saying yes.

and that's what we did.


with our own style of emotion and essence.

and a good glass of champagne.


and these days i'm heading towards the race against time

as the deadline for the next catalogue draws closer. and closer.

there are times, it keeps me awake at night.

same procedure each and every time.

but i like to think it's because of the "herzblut"

the passion of what we do.

it's personal. and the signature of the self.

it's about the want to succeed. and to dream with open eyes.

herzblut.


and what else have the past weeks and days been all about?

its been about silently loving on a one way street.

its been about learning to play in gardens.

the weeding. the sowing. the planting.

and the waiting too.

i like to think its a magical garden in bloom.

a garden of lavenders and roses.

it's been about friends visiting. and visiting friends.

it's been about omondieu! slowly coming back to life.

its been a picnic in italy.

and coming back home with the most beautiful white oleander.

its been long walks along the seas of ireland.

whispering spells and manifesting dreams.

alone. or with the girls.

it's been about closing chapters

and holding onto the hope of tomorrow.

its been about a dining room tables filled with life

friends as family. family as friends.

it's been about gazing under stars and making a wish or two.

it's been about surrendering to what it is to be a woman that feels and yearns.

it's been about wearing a red dress for the first time.

(and red shoes too.)

it's about feeling so small and scared and unsure of all before us.

and it's been about feeling the power and the faith of all within us.

it's been about inspiration.

and seeing clearly. feeling passionately.

it's been about generousity of friends.

new. old.

it's been about flea market treasures.

of old leather purses and lace pillow cases.

and mother mary medallions worn gently close to the heart.

it's been about challenging the self

like holding speeches and saying "yes i can."

it's been about my brother visiting.

and a year. yet another year passing by.

and i think what i want to say...

is simply thank you.


for each and every day.


there's a lion in my heart...

and at times. he roars. he roars.

ever so quietly. ever so silently.

he's simply there...


that's just the way it is...

4 comments:

susan said...

ah the lion. i understand this.
and i do love the iconic nature of this little necklace. so beautiful!

yes, we will soon be on your shores. ready for a prost and a long long chat... but let's start with sunday!

talk to you soon my dear,
xoxoxoxoxoxsusan

susanna said...

Do you know how happy I am that you are back?! Thiiiiiiiis much (much more impressive in person)!! I've missed your writing, Angela. The way you write a phrase has me smiling and thinking and daydreaming. I can only imagine how inspiring your lecture must have been to everyone listening, including the designer you have admired (and who, in turn, admires you!).

And yes, I would love to come over to Germany. One day I'll make it to Europe. Not so sure my wallet can handle it right now but one day WE WILL MEET ONE ANOTHER! :) In the meantime, we really should talk on the phone. I'm not sure if you sent me your number before...would you mind sending it to me again? :)

Anyway, I'm glad that you've returned. And a strawberry necklace would be PERFECT for summer!

maddie said...

strawberry necklace?

did someone say strawberry necklace?

:)

i heart your writing angela dear ~
i love your glistening little lion ~
and i also would love to travel
to meet you ~

:)

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your words, Angi, and it's really okay. I'm sad to have missed you, but, really, it was a whirlwind trip, just eight days including two of them lost to long haul flights.

When the time's right, we'll meet. And I love the thought of giving you a hug in person.

No promises, but the chance may come... I'm trying to arrange to spend six months in the UK, with my loves, working on a project at a university. We'll see. If that happens, we'll meet, I know it.

Love to you, girl.

Gaylene.

xxx