Tuesday, August 21, 2007

undressings.

- undressings -
she wore gowns. of velvet. and red.
the way she wanted to wear his mouth.
on her hip.
photo taken once upon a time ago. in strasbourg.
words written once upon a time ago. in the heart.


i'm tired. but i think it's the good kind of tired.

i just need a chance to sit down, slow down,

catch my breath. and even if just for a moment.

and then to simply dance forward again,

with new energy, new wind, and new inspirations.


and although back and forth at the printers today,

watching the catalogue unfold, page by page,

i allowed myself a bit of that time and space.


you know,

sometimes i think it's good to simply say thank you.

to the self.

and to the little things and the big things that make a day.

complete.


what was today about? what made me smile?


seeing someone that means the world to me

even if only just to spend an intimate fraction of time together.

and just reading back in my blog,

passing thru memories,

i realised, it's been a year to the day

that i first ever saw him. met him.

and maybe even if only on a one way street,

he's been a constant companion, in heart and thought,

the whole way through

this year of change. transition. formation.

stumbling and falling and getting back up again.


another smile was going for a coffee

simply with the self.

just taking the time to do so. finding the time to do so.

alone.

something i've neglected the past while.


so when i left the printers [again], i just drove into town.

there's a most beautiful flower shop that i've often seen

even before moving here to baden-baden.

i've always had the intent of stepping in, taking a look.

but the rare and few occassions i make it into town,

the shop is usually closed.

so i did that today. and i'm glad i did.

the owner and i started talking,

and then i suddenly saw my fleurs in her store. envisioned them,

like an inspiring moment.

i mentioned that and found her curious, interested.

she told me to call her

and we can make an appointment for next week,

in the evening when the shop is closed and i'm "home" from work.

she'd love to take a look at the collections.

and stepping through the door on the way out, i found myself smiling. again.


i walked down to garibaldi's and sat down to grab that cup of coffee.

pulled out my book, my pen

and simply wrote

words.

and feelings. and thoughts.

sometimes i think that writing this down

is like engraving it in stone.

you make it real. you make it forever.

and just like writing this,

about the good things. you make it all the more true.


when i came home,

i started to put a few fleurs together

scattered on the living room floor.

and i spoke with petra on the phone. i miss her these days.

i miss our coffees and time and talks together.

i miss her and the girls just not being down the road.

it's in that sense, that this city just hasn't yet become home.

hard to explain. or to articulate those thoughts.


back to the printers again later in the evening,

to say yes and give the go ahead to the title and cover pages.

i think i took a deep breath at that moment

and made a wish saying...

be good to me. be good.


and home again to find more words,

these words.

and simply hold the things that make me smile

make me feel good.

and make me say thank you.

for days like today.

it's late. and it's raining outside.

and it's a beautiful sound to say good night to.

3 comments:

rochambeau said...

Dear Angela,
So much of what you took the time to write struck a cord with me. It IS so important to say thank you to yourself!! It is important to remember to say thank you to your body for the service it renders you. It sounds like you have moved recently? Maybe the woman in the flower shop will hold the key to some type of connection in your life, even if it is just Hope for today. It sounds like Petra will always be there for you, no matter how far away your are. I have the feeling that your calalog is will turn out a jewel!

susan said...

hello again darling,
finally back home from the sea. getting grace off on sat... then we will chat. on the phone, with or without a wine or coffee, just US.
really pulling for you here with loads of good wishes and love,
xoxoxoxoxox
s

susanna said...

Your writing is poetry, Angela. Sounds like you had a good day with work going well and a new possibility with the fleurs in your future. And sitting alone in a cafe, on a rainy day, with a cup of coffee and a pen and paper in front of you can be so perfect for the soul.