Thursday, September 14, 2006
a kiss and a hug...
have wanted to write all week,
even if there isn't much to be said
and simply one day blends into the next day.
maybe that's what these days are simply about.
sunday was a day that was meant to be work,
however it was a day that simply felt
just as it's meant to feel.
isabelle was heading out to the quarry
simply to catch what could be the last days of summer
and called me to join her.
i already had plans to meet with anke
as we wanted to look at the wedding photos,
but our text messages back and forth decided
that simply a walk along the rhine
was what we really wanted instead.
so i met up with isabelle at one in the afternoon,
and we just sat and talked, day dreamed away,
had moments that made us smile,
maybe moments that made the heart hurt a little,
but that simply has to do with missing,
and with hoping and praying.
and it was just perfect,
the quiet and still around us,
the way the sun just shone and everything felt
gentle, warm, lucid, sweet, perfect.
and as i always say, with a dear friend,
even the moments of silent conversation,
conversations of simply saying nothing,
can be those closest to the heart.
it's the quiet understanding
everything is simply as it should be.
i called anke and asked if four o'clock might be better,
it was a moment out there that i just didn't want to leave.
and so we met a bit later,
drove out to the rhine and simply walked along,
talking and then finally, just sitting down
and again, letting sunday feel just as sunday should feel.
watching the barges go by is one of my favourite moments.
i have a fascination of them, one i can't explain.
and it always reminds me of grade four.
again, i can't explain. i never grew up with barges.
and yet, each and everytime,
it's this moment or chapter that comes to mind.
the wind was soft, subtle.
almost like a tease as she whispered on skin,
tugged on the hair.
i think we were out there for a few hours,
and right across from us,
watching old men fishing from the french banks of the river.
monday and tuesday had me in leipzig
and rather uneventful it was.
aside from the both of us almost sleeping in too long,
having the taxi wait for us outside the hotel,
needing to grab our first coffee at the airport
and then almost miss the plane.
they were honestly going to take off without us.
oh wouldn't that have been a story to explain.
driving back to the from the airport would normally
have been a thirty minute affair.
thanks to one accident after the other on the autobahn,
and the stretch around stuttgart being a constant construction site,
this thirty minute affair became a three hour affair.
and wednesday was simply wednesday.
i can't really say there was a high, nor a low.
today i had a home office day and it did feel good,
i must admit.
almost felt as though i could exhale.
and i'm already looking forward to the days,
that i can work from the home office more often,
or hope that yes,
further down the road we'll have the office closer to here,
or whereever it is i'll be.
and maybe simply have to drive to pforzheim once a week,
to take care of other internal matters there?
that's my hope and my wish at least.
and of all the other things that make my heart beat these days,
i find myself just holding them silently close.
not finding the words to place here,
until maybe i myself feel that this isn't just about
reading between the lines.
it's about need and want. hopes and wishes.
and maybe it's about understanding and believing.
i have to get myself to bed.
an hour that normally finds me wide awake.
however the alarm clock is waking me up at three in the morning,
i consider that an ungodly hour.
have to leave for the airport in stuttgart by four in the morning,
flying out to hamburg
however back again at night. late at night.
and then the drive back from stuttgart again.
and of all things,
this weekend especially,
needs to be a weekend of getting caught up,
getting work done,
more cleaning. more purging. more letting go.
and i also believe,
i'm hiring a cleaning lady this weekend as well.
oh god yes. and say amen to that as well.
it's just for the little time i have these days,
i need some clarity. organisation.
just to keep things in place, on their path,
and allow me room to breath
and see a bit clearer.
so that when i come home from work,
all things are good to carry on with work.
but i also simply have to let the weekend be weekend as well.
to relax. to enjoy. to balance.
to inhale. exhale.
and with open arms,
and open mind and open heart,
simply embrace what each moment in life,
gives, takes and shares.
[photograph of petra
from a couple of summers ago.]