and feed you silver sage"
excerpts from jewel.
a thought, and a poem, lyrics,
totally irrelevant to my chain of thought
however it simply came to mind.
and to be honest,
i don't even know why i'm here,
or what it was that i wanted to write about.
maybe simply random thoughts,
and sprawl them out in the black and white of words.
the past week again,
has been a come and go.
tuesday and wednesday found me in düsseldorf
and once again, sabine travelling with me.
this time, unlike the trip to leipzig
or the trip to hamburg the previous week,
there was no plane to [almost] miss.
her and i seem to be a true talent
for adventures in airports.
we had the company car with us on this trip,
yes for navigation systems that we were convinced,
were trying to see how much she could mess with our minds.
that voice always got us where we wanted to be.
but we had enough adventures as it was,
with or without airports.
adventures like when sabine looked at me on tuesday morning,
saying "i think i left my suitcase at home",
so the mission was to get ourselves to düsseldorf
and yes, make shopping a part of the evening agenda.
making a mental list of at least the cosmetics
that she could save herself from buying,
and simply borrow from me.
and the other adventures were coming back to pforzheim
relatively late on wednesday night
and sabine once again looking at me,
saying, "i think my car keys are on your desk"
and there not being any possible way
of us getting into the building at that hour of night.
so she called her beau to bring her the spare key,
which isn't a big deal,
considering she has an hour drive to pforzheim as well.
i didn't want to leave her on her own waiting,
so we went to a small bar down the road,
had some coffee and waited for him to get there.
i always enjoy late night drives on the autobahn.
the roads are free, clear.
and the headlights before you,
or in the rearview mirror,
are almost like little navigators themselves.
you can see clearly what's before you
and see clearly what you've left behind.
or simply see, what's on it's way to catching up with you.
maybe in a strange sense,
almost similiar to the way things are in life,
when you set out on your own journey,
with a clear mind and a definite destination.
coming home on wednesday was sweetness,
in finding a letter that left a smile on my face.
still maybe a bit of uncertainty, and curiousity as well.
but it was tender, and it was warming.
and all i could do was embrace it. silently.
again, reading between the lines
however well knowing, it's a mutual language spoken.
and there's been another hope and wish on my mind these days.
maybe a bit like the lull of my heart.
and the past weeks left me unsure
where it was that i was standing.
sometimes there are things in life,
that feel like absolute contradictions,
and nothing making sense.
and this was simply one of those things.
knowing it's something good,
and yet standing in the dark.
i felt that i had something to say,
yet didn't dare to speak.
i felt that i had something to write,
yet didn't dare to seal the letter with a kiss.
and hark the queen of impatience i am,
maybe it was the fear that taught me patience?
at least that sounds like a good excuse.
but then coming home from the office on thursday,
about to head out the door and meet with kim,
i found a little message written just a few hours earlier,
and although short, and sweet,
it said all that it needed to say.
kim had to endure me that evening,
with a smile from ear to ear,
possibly little shrieks of happiness.
and i'll admit, i was just like a little girl.
and did i ever stop talking?
a nasty habit i have.
kim was the other sweetness in my day,
when she asked me to close my eyes.
and when i opened them,
there was the most beautiful red rose before me.
it's the little things like that,
that mean the most in friendship
and in life.
and kim, i can't thank you enough.
just for you. and all these little things you do.
and it's saturday night
and i'm content at enjoying a quiet night at home.
there are photos that i need to work thru,
emails that i need to reply to.
and i might do a bit of this,
and i might do a bit of that.
but i'm also simply going to enjoy the night for what it is.
something quiet, something still.
maybe later, grab myself a blanket,
a glass of wine and a cigarette,
sit outside and hold on to the air
that feels like a summer saying farewell.