Wednesday, August 16, 2006

letters never sent...



letters never sent...

something i believe that all of us hold,

souveniers written on the heart.

of once upon a time.


for all those letters written, sealed, stamped.

but simply never sent.

those letters that were caressed with the i loves you.

we never dared to whisper.


they become stained. creased with time.

and somewhere we all have these letters.

tucked into the silent corners under a lock and a key.

but simply never sent.


* * * * *



old words i once wrote,

but in a sense, reflecting much of recent moments.

leaving me wonder, if this is a pattern,

and too often, i find myself biting my tongue

holding back the words that find themselves nesting there?


it's wednesday.

timmy and i drove isabelle to the train station

last night at midnight.

on the way home, we stopped to see if we could

catch shooting stars along the way.

but what started out as a clear sky night,

had a pillow of clouds and an ever so bright moon.


the both of us slept in long this morning,

and dare i confess,

it was a thirteen year old that actually was up before me?

i must also confess however,

that for the past week, i've been living on painkillers,

with a case of neuritis with my right arm.

and although it seemed to be getting better,

monday had me in tears with pain

and not even able to sleep.

thankful for any few moments that i would simply doze off

before the slightest movement had me jolted again.

yesterday i managed to get thru the day,

but it had its more than tender moments.

and today actually feels like a miracle.

so that's prolly my excuse for finally finding good sleep.


right now, timmy has a few friends over

and about to head out the door.

had to smile as he asked, if he could cook me dinner tonight.

yup, it might just be an omelette,

but it's timmy's new thing and i think it's sweet.


i'm listening to k.d. lang's

hymns of the 49th parallel.

truely one of the most beautiful cds ever.

and each time i listen to her renditions

there is a pull of the heartstrings

and sometimes it feels, like they are taking me home again.

'i drew a map of canada,

with your face sketched on it twice'

i see myself, sitting out on the veranda, by the lake.

chilled evenings and wrapped in blankets.

in someways, a memory

and in someways, a daydream of tomorrow.


things feel comfortable here at isabelle's.

strange is, this house is one that years ago,

i had vowed would one day be mine.

old acquaintances lived here and the first time

i stepped thru the door,

i felt as though there was a familiarity.

that was years ago.

and then when isabelle was looking for a new flat,

called me to say she found the perfect place.

on moving day, my mouth dropped when she stopped the car

and there we were.

that house that i fell in love with years earlier.


but as isabelle as said,

the next couple of weeks will simply be good for me,

in having my own space around me again.

quiet and peace before starting with the new job,

but also getting myself acquainted,

for the months ahead of me and moving out from "home" now.


i'll be stepping out in a few moments myself,

going to the market to buy some flowers.

as i do want to play with the camera in experimentation

also contemplating getting the new joy denalane cd

then i'll head home, spend a couple of hours

finishing off the rest of the wedding photographs

and getting the first load of fleurs here to isabelle's

so that petra can come over and help tomorrow

as there are a few packages that need to find their way

to new gardens and hopefully bloom into new magic.


and i'm looking forward to these next couple of weeks.

just the quiet and the serenity.

i hope they pass slowly, fully and completely

and not with the usual race and pace of time.


i want these days to be letters written,

but letters that are also sent, spoken

and shared.

3 comments:

susan said...

healing wishes here for your hands and your heart angie... hugs and kisses,
susan

susanna said...

I hope you're feeling better soon, Angela. I'm sending you a hug through my computer and through yours...

susan said...

dearie, send me your cell.... ican'tfinditandiwannacallya.